Slim Shady

Will Salah be able to keep his shoulder in place?

Did you see the look on Pep Guardiola's face?

Juventus knocked out, what a disgrace,

While Man United never really looked in the race.

So boys, where do I begin?

Champions league semi finals are upon us,

Who will win?

We got Liverpool and Barcelona, Spurs and Ajax

It's been a great tournament so far,

I'm just spitting facts

5 times

5 times

3 times

None

Will this season be the season Spurs finally win one?

Zidane is back at the wheel

Can he be their Superman

Can he be their man of steel

Can he be the Kal El

Of Madrid Real

Three champions leagues

In a row

I ain't explain to you

How that story goes

You got jealous haters

Bitchin bout my flow

You should go ask your mom bout her

golden showers

I also send her flowers

I send in the mail

I wanna f*ck her faster than the maglev

she prefers the pace of a snail

It's still enough to make her go

Off the rails

Zidane left Real

In the hope of a new future

But to have a future

You gotta stay go back to the past

Sooooooooooooooooo

Manchester United have only gone and done it, they've won it

Ole Gunnar gonna bring home the cup they say

Real Madrid got knocked out

Just on Tuesday

4-1 loss sent them on their way

So hey

FC Porto won against Roma after extra time

Let's not forget Spurs are through as well, sublime

I have given up on comedy for now

Rap is where my heart is at

Makes the chicks go wow

Manchester United came at PSG like pow pow pow

The baby faced assassin, take a bow

I have taken a short break from rap to focus on a career in stand up comedy.

Do you like my very first joke yo?

Did you hear about the cougar that got strangled by Pulister?

It was KC's Mom, the dirty milf is into erotic asphyxiation!

Please come to my gigs.

Has KC ever been to Madrid?

Has KC ever been to Madrid?

Were Real even playin

On the day he was in Spain

Maybe he went to see Atletico instead

Last year i supported Man United

This year I support Real Madrid

Next Year I support Paris Saint-Germain

Then it'll be Bayern Munich or Dortmund

Whichever ends up as the best German

The life of a glory hunter

Doesn't amaze me

I'm the real Slim Shady

People glory hunt me too

And it drives me crazy

in terms of soccer

I'm a Detroit City FC man

4th tier of America

By my local team I stand...

Has KC ever been to Madrid?

Has KC ever been to Madrid?

Were Real even playin

On the day he was in Spain

Maybe he went to see Atletico instead

Do you guys want a part 2?

What's that? You thought I was gone?

If you want conflict on here I'm your number one.

What's that? You thought I was done?

I'm the one who makes a funeral fun.

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls

All the big booties around the world

Shady is back and on the mic he's kickin

Got your mom on my d*ck

She be suckin and lickin.

There's no one more famous than me

So what's the point in a name drop?

But King Cristiano your GF is a c0ck block.

I know Wayne appeared out of the blue

Unlike the anons and Tajspurs too

Irish b*tches oompa loompas, 212.

This is the English football section

So I'm sorry about the deflection

Is Harry Kane still claiming goals scored by Christian Eriksen.

Shady got stamina I will always stay

All you others stick to sitting round and eatin your Subway.

This f*cker thinks he can challenge me

Doesn't he know I've always wanted to promote rap in this section

Dude probably thinks rap only belongs to people

Of his skin complexion

Let me introduce myself to you Wayney

First name slim, last name shady

Tattoo my number on yo d*ck and

You can pass it on to your lady

So you want a challenge

I'll give you one

Just come by again soon

This sh*t has only just begun

I been gone for a while

I timed it well

The English football section

Has turned to hell

Religions being mocked

Users disgraced

There are still some issues

With people's opinion on race

Hombre got a double

Danish Dynamite always wanna be right

Can't deny it man

We seen it last night

Football countries insulted

Is Marv still a gay?

I'm asking because man

On man is okay

King Cristiano

I'm not here to cause hate

But what does it mean

When Gorgeous Samaras

Was your best player

You see dudes

It don't matter

If he thinks Ronaldo is better than Messi

At least he don't like Sepp Blatter

Lets not be corrupt here

The world has gone crazy

I thought about giving up rap

I had become too lazy

I'm here again

With one long verse

Hoping we can all

Peacefully converse

I was corrupted by the money

and fame

OBA be knowing what it's like

When the whole EFS knows your name

I can't say if I'll always

Be this changed man

But be nice to one another dudes

I believe that you can.

Slim.

Yo bro

What a show

Fck your sis and take a piss

Glory hole is Manchester United

Them gay boy **** KSI Logan P*ssy fighted

Pochettino just got frightened

And Burnley have turned sh*t

West Ham are still sh*t

And thats not it

Who the f*ck are Cardiff City

Emery slipped his d*ck down lazzy's pants

Gay footballers vegan diets eating plants Luke Shaw

Score a goal for me Sergio or I'll slap you silly

Pep Guardiola bent you over and smacked you with his willy

Jurgen Klopp was busy at the shop

spent well over two pence

He's got more money than sense

But i guess if they all do it

Groping women should stay legal

Ariana Grande gonna agree when I say

Getting touched by a bishop is like getting sh*t on by the seagulls

Yo you glad to see me back around here

Hoe is what I call your mom

Its what I call your sister

She been riding on my d*ck since the first day kissed her

We played twister

Right hand on the pussy

One arm behind my back

She put her left foot on blue

And her face right into my sack

Woah man that's enough of that

There could be kids on this website man

Ha! You think kids don't know how to smash and smack

That reminds me

I'm not a violent person

I stuck my hand into her pocket

Just to put her purse in

That sh*t was no mugging

Me and grandma could have been hugging

Had you melding cops come in with your bugging

Shady the king motherf*ckers

He be f*cking all your mothers

Making them his queens

Making them scream

He performs better in the bed than your father it seems

More raps coming soon b*tch

yo Shady’s back with a brand new rap

does Spurs being knocked out of the cup mean they’re crap

are they Southampton level

lets ask Gary Neville

his partner Carra does more spitting than I do

but anyways

is Conte sh*tting himself

he could lose another fa cup final

or will he have the last laugh

can he stop Mourinho and Man United coming back like vinyl

Real did it again

Could they win it for the ten plus three time?

Maybe with the help of Luka, Casemiro and Toni

Not to forget Sergio Ramos and that boy Ronaldo

That boy Ronaldo

Used to run down the wing

Used to do his thing

And now he’s king of Portugal

He’s the king of Spain

He scored another goal

B*tch he’s making it rain

He brought Juventus some pain

Like a d*ck forced in an @ss

He is a legend of the game

A world famous name

When he retires sh*t will never be the same

From Nivea to Opel

From Stuttgart to Mainz

No matter where he goes even in the seas

Or on martian roads

They consider him a local

Charismatic man

Lighting up the room

Lighting up the football field

And imposing doom on his opposition

They say he’s wanted by Bayern

They say he’s wanted by Real

Now all I know is he puts on his clothes

Then puts his heart on his sleeve

Liverpool fans don’t want him to leave

He’s no Coutinho

More like Firmino

You ain’t gonna find them fleeing

Or so that is how it seems

He’s got veins in his seams

But if he goes to Spain

Sure it’ll be a pain

Some fans may go insane

But it’ll be in a way

They’ll have respect and say

Thank you king

For all the joy you’ve managed to bring us

To which he’ll reply

I’ll be in the sky

News day to day

And Liverpool FC will be okay

You’ll never walk alone

From Nivea to Opel

From Stuggart to Mainz

No matter where he goes even in the skies

And on dusty roads

They consider him a local

What the f*ck

what the sh*t

Roma f*cking did it

Salah must have left a testicle behind

Against barca at home they f*cking killed it

Yeah even one Salah nut

Is like ten thousand d*cks up a butt

In this case the butt is FC Barca

Yeah even one Salah toe

Is like a b*tches camel toe

Getting sucked on by a thousand piranhas

Barca got smashed like your moms @ss

Or a piñata

What the f*ck

what the sh*t

Roma f*cking did it

Salah must have left a testicle behind

Against barca at home they f*cking killed it

They did the impossible

Lost 4-1 first

Now I believe everything is possible

Even an innocent Geoff Hurst

What the f*ck

what the sh*t

Roma f*cking did it

Salah must have left a testicle behind

Against barca at home they f*cking killed it

Shady returns with a long awaited rap on Manchester City head coach Pep Guardiola. Critics are saying it is a work of genuis.

***** rating - The Daily Mail

"Shady's best yet" - Billboard

"WTF?" - Four Fout Two

The way you play it, I can't believe it

I ain't never seen no one’s other teams play like that

Started at Barcelona, like a pinball machine it go

Boing, boing, boing

I don't believe it, you’re a God of football

I ain't never seen no one’s other teams play like that

The way you move it, it’s revolutionary

Boing boing boing

The way his teams move, it’s like watching sexy dancers

Scratching his bald head as he thinking up a plan of masters

One goal aint enough, opponents have no answer

“We beg for mercy please!” boing boing boing

You beg for mercy? Please, we just doing our thing

On the field. We not done yet we already paid the referee

I am the best coach in the world,there is no disagreeing

It was no offside it doesn’t count if the lines behind his knees

So yes we take the lead further, it's impossible to compete

And do not treat me like a Mourinho, he is way beneath me

Penalty, penalty, yes, no dive from Raheem, not wrong

I never coached a Chinese, Mr Ching Chong’s are too sh*t for me

Psych! I joke, I joke! I keed, I keed!

If I offend, I'm sorry! Please, please, forgive!

For I am Pep Guardiola, and you my mere puppets

I can get away anything I say and do and you will love it!

Sevilla beat Man United, thats glory glory Man United

That dressing room gonna be so intimidating

Mourinho be saying why didnt you show up

Why didnt you show up we outta da cup

Well sh*t Man U are cursed should have kept Darren Fletcher

And Sir Alex too Macbeth taboo

Or replaced Mourinho with Big Sammy

The whole team should quit, David De Gea be the last man standing

Lingard man that kid is weird

Him and Paul Pogba must be queer

Like a gay Romeo and Juliet okay we back to Shakespeare

Sir Alex and Bobby will wanna give up their chairs

You know that Eric Bailly he ain't the worst

But playin alongside smalling his head must hurt

Im talking sh*t about Man United like the guys on BT

Liverpool and Arsenal fans gonna get this game on DVD

Man City fans even recorded it on TV

Did anyone really think the world should fear Fellaini?

Some people around the globe be shocked at this like blimey

Expected a bit more goals from Lukaku

But a million or so of those were Chinese

Who can spend as much money on this game as they please

African football experts just got another disease

Im talkin bout post man united loss depression

Not HIV

yo ***** you say I cant rap

dudes go down on you say yous a trap

but they f*ck you anyway

cuz you don’t charge money

beatin your kids

cuz they wont finish their honey nut

cheerios

Maggie got a better but

im serious

b*tch sort your heroin addiction

lay off the meth

I'm friends with the midfielder who's now at Chelsea instead

I keep playing your voice inside of my head

The times that you met me, got me losing my breath

You're driving me crazy, yeah, you're driving me crazy

I went to the games, or watched on tv every week

Oh well, guess begging wont get you to see

Wanted to receive attention from you Cesc

Wanted to be escape the public with you so you'd abuse me

Dreamed of you wanting my @ss and eat it too, and wanting it both ways

Gay you made me, balloon up my @ss, my anus inflated

When I blew; you, boy it was confusing

'Cause all I thought i was straight like Bruce Lee not homo beef

Abused my d*ck, used your tool then I blew semen(wooh!)

Hit the back of me, oh wee

But with what I gave up to get it was super sweet

I know it was sinning, best thing since moms milk

Funny cause I think I'm getting so huge I need a shrink

I'm beginning to lose sleep: one Cesc, two Cesc

Going boo hoo and Cesc f*ck me, beat my meat

Man I'm actually weirder than you think

I think I'm

I'm friends with the midfielder who's now at Chelsea instead

I keep playing your voice inside of my head

The times that you met me, got me losing my breath

You're driving me crazy, yeah, you're driving me crazy

Yo!

Zidane the man

Doing the things

Only the french man can

But what a goal by Marcelo though

Two from Cristiano Ronaldo

Still Rabiot's

Goal ain't completely useless

They could still use it

Away goals rule

And what about that from liverpool

That sh*t was amazing

They went out all guns blazing

Gave the Portuguese a hazing yo

i see a lot of you are feelin it now