?

I'm 26 years old. For 13 years I've been hurting myself. I have several hundred scars on my body [cuts and burns] most of which are hypertrophic. My girlfriend won't let me near blades or knives as she knows I feel compelled to do something with them to myself if they're in my hands. God love her.

I am not a "cutter". To me a "cutter" is some emo looking for attention. I have a problem in that I enjoy hurting myself. And my body reveals that. My back, chest, and arms look like maps. Hypertrophic [so as such they will never go away] maps. I've been in and out of psychiatric facilities since I was 17 years old. I've been held in 24/h solitary confinement in jail for some 16 days as I was thought to be dangerous to the general population [seriously? i posed a threat to murderers?] on a minor charge that i feel stemmed from being prescribed prozac, citalopram, clonazopam and serequel at the same time [from the same hospital might i add].

All that being said I don.t know what to do. I've seen shrinks since i was 17, been told i am bipolar, suffer from borderline personality disorder, anxiety, depression, and schizophrenia. I Believe none of it. For two years I've seen a shrink as part of a court order and she has done nothing but talk for 2 years. I'm not crazy but I can't stop hurting myself.

What do I do?

I want to start an internet radio station that will be mainly talk radio. However music will no doubt be involved. While it won't be a "music" station I will no doubt want to play a song here and there. My main purpose for this is I am applying for the Radio Broadcasting program at Humber College and it will certainly help my application if I can show the program coordinator that I can do a radio broadcast.

If I was living in the US this would be easy. Services like LoudCity allow you to pay a small monthly fee to be covered legally in regards to copyright laws. However LoudCity and other places like Live365 [which is quite expensive for my purposes] only cover the US regulations as far as I can tell. And I can't seem to find any Canadian services like these.

I have been looking into the legality of internet radio in Canada and have become completely lost. In the US it is simple, only because they lay it out directly; you play music you pay us or we fine you. I can't seem to make sense of what the situation is in Canada. I have looked into SOCAN which is just more confusing. The tariffs they describe [such as 22A, 22B, 22C] seem to reflect your payment to them based on either the revenue you earn [22A, 22B] or paying revenue based on your operating costs [22C]. 22A and 22B seem fair. I mean if I am earning money because I'm playing some guys song and people are tuning in, certainly I should be paying a little bit of my revenue to the artists. However If I am working in the red, and simply broadcasting for my own reasons and earning no revenue whatsoever [in fact losing money just to operate] why should I pay anything? Why would I pay 1.9% of what it costs to run my station to play songs if my station earns me or nobody else no money? That is like free advertising for artists.

But nevertheless, I just need to know what I have to do to cover my *** to operate an internet radio station based out of Canada [most likely through ShoutCast]. I don't plan on playing music 24/7, or even a lot of music at that. Most people will probably wanna say "well just do it nobody is gonna come after some guy who throws a few songs out on an internet based talk radio show" but the fact is in this day and age the governments and regulatory agencies throughout the world monitor this stuff and I have read a LOT of reports of people who have Internet stations with under 5 listeners getting threats from government agencies for playing copyrighted music. Ridiculous I know, but still, I don't want the hassle.

So, if I wanna play a few songs over the internet here in Canada, what do I have to do? Anything? Everything? Cuz I can't make sense of the situation.

Thanks!

So it seems I have doctors from every angle accusing me of being bipolar. My family doctor said he suspected it so he sent me to the hospital to have me checked out. There I have been seeing two doctors who claim I am bipolar. I am also on probation and court ordered to see their psychiatrist and now she is saying the same thing.

They can say whatever, I don't care, the problem is the medication situation. I've been put on all kinds of crap up until now, but recently all these doctors want me on 300+mg seroquel xr. I've gotten alternate suggestions of invega [no dose info] but that stuff sounds like crap too, and lithium which would require taking something else and all kinds of potential shitty side effects [I've taken 300mg seroquel xr and it is garbage, god knows what this other crap is like].

So I don't know. These people say I need meds. Plus I have the whole probation/court order thing hanging over my head which doesn't help as they can **** with me if I don't appear to be cooperating with the conditions.

Right now I just say I take the meds and don't. But This is crap, isn't there any medication that doesn't suck? Something simple thats not gonna mess me up? I've tried researching but there doesn't seem to be much there beyond what I've heard, and all the options seem to suck in my opinion [nasty side effects].

Which medication is best? Is there a best? I don't want to be a friggen zombie.

I was just wondering if the effects of seroquel xr will get less intense over time. Im currently on 50mg, will be taking 100mg tonight, 200mg tomorrow and 300mg the next day. My dose will stay at 300mg.

50mg has me feeling like crap unfortunatly. Slept long, could barely get up, still feel like Im half asleep.

So will this get any less intense? Perhaps not over the next few days with the dose increasing, but when I get to my 300mg dose and have been on it for a few days will I still feel like crap? If so I don't understand the purpose of this drug, other than perhaps to sedate you to the point of complacency. Not a fun way to feel better IMO.

I know this is a hard question to ask, but for somebody who can really be helped by this drug, what will it do for them? My doctor is looking into the possibility of bi-polar disorder, so how does a person dealing with that end up when taking seroquel?

I mean, its safe to say my mind goes a mile a second even though I seem to be empty and dead and don't give a f--k, and I stay up constantly unable to sleep for more than hours and throughout the day I just feel kind of off or something like I'm not doing what I'm supposed to or like theres no purspose to any of this. My doctor thinks I'm having symptoms of bi-polar depression, and he's attributed it to bi-polar as I've done things over the years that have just been nutty. Like quitting jobs, drinking myself near to death, running out to live in the woods, spending all my money and so on.

I just don't know though because I just am who I am and feel how I feel. I can't say as I am ever depressed or manic, perhaps after the fact but here and now I feel like Im normal. You know, this doesn't seem like depression to me I just have a realistic view of the world and I know for a fact purpose does not exist in life and being dead or alive don't matter either way. But people say I have some sort of dark or depressed mood.

So yeah, am I gonna turn into a vegetable on this stuff? I know it drains the hell out of you. I took a low dose once for a while [25mg] and simply remember being tired as hell, waking up tried as hell, and on top of that being so slowed down. I don't wanna be a zombie I want to be a functional person who is just not always being accused of being a nut or being looked at funny.

I was just wondering what the reason is behind seroquel causing weight gain? Does it simply increase ones appetite or does it have an affect on the metabolism or something like that?

I'm simply asking because I am about to start taking seroquel and my doctor has me working up to 300mg over the course of about 5 days and that should be my standard dose, if not as high as 600mg. So needless to say I am a little concerned.

If its an apatite issue, that can be managed simply by not overeating. If its a metabolism [or other] issue, I imagine it will be a little more difficult to manage. Any advice on managing the weight gain would be appreciated as well.

Thanks.

Hello,

I am very confused about some instructions given to me by a doctor today. Basically he wants to look into whether or not I may be bi-polar and wants to try out a regimen of seroquel. He gave me some samples and instructions regarding the dose to take. While he explained it in his office all seemed clear, now when I got home it appears the samples he gave me don't really match his instructions.

Instructions:

Seroquel XR L.A. Tablet 50mg

1 tab HS first night then 2 tabs qhs one night then 4 tabs qhs one nigh - #7 -

Those are the instructions exactly as written [any idea what he means by HS/qhs?]. Now what he gave me is a box containing 6 bottles of 150mg serquel XR with 4 tabs in each [24 150mg tabs total]. The box was sealed up when he gave it to me so I couldn't see in his office they were all 150mg and there was no 50mg in the box. Also, if I take 1, then 2, then 4 I'll run out in like a week but hes scheduled me to come back for more in two weeks.

So what the hell? Did he make a mistake or am interpreting the instructions wrong? By HS and qhs is he instructing me to split the tabs down to 50mg in size? Instructions on the box say not to cut or crush the tabs.

What should I do? Its like everytime I see a doctor they mess around with me and try to f--- me up even worse. Why is this so confusing?

Please help.

I was just wondering [and I hope this hasn't been asked before], but what's with "gay pride"? I don't mean to offend, I honestly have no problem with gay people [I'm straight myself] but I have never thought of being straight as something I'm proud of. I mean, I'm proud of accomplishments I make, my sexual preference is no accomplishment, it just is what it is.

I live in Toronto, so we've got a big gay pride parade every year. I've just always wondered why. Why be proud of being gay? Be proud of the fact that you succeeded in life, that you've attained a great job, that you saved a baby from a burning building, you know what I mean? I've just never heard of straight pride so I don't get it.

As far as I'm concerned a gay person is no different than anyone else, and sexuality is nothing to be proud of in my eyes, it just is what it is.

Let me know.

I know Cymbalta is not a drug that is generally stopped cold turkey, but what if one has only been taking it for three weeks [30mg for 1 week, 60mg for 2 weeks]?

Would there still be intense withdrawl if one were to stop cold turkey after being on it for 3 weeks?

Thanks.

I've been on 9 different anti-depressants and anti-psychotics.

Right now I am on risperidone and duloxetine.

I find myself feeling nothing. Like I am completely miserable but with no feeling. Tonight I took 3x my dose of anti-psychotic medication [risperidone] in an effort to sleep. I've also drank half a 26'er [a 26'er is 750ml hard alcohol]. I can't really stop drinking or doing things like that. Doctors have speculated that I have borderline personality disorder but I don't know. I keep getting put on meds and so far they've all done nothing, but these ones have me feeling really messed up. I think I should kill myself but in a sense I known that's extreme.

I don't know what to do about this crap. I got stuff in my mind that won't stop and I just don't know.

I think I'm gone. I don't know what's going on anymore.

So I am on two medications right now. Duloxetine [Cymbalta] and Risperidone, but that is just right now. Over the last several months I've been put on Prozac, Seroquel, Citalopram, Clonazepam, Mirtazapine, Wellbutrin and Olanzapine.

I feel like I'm losing my bloody mind. Last night I woke up after 4 or 5 hours and felt a way I have never felt before. It was like absolute misery but with no feeling whatsoever. Like I could have put a bullet in my head without thinking anything of it. It was weird. I knew something was up so I tried to just get up and go about doing some stuff casually but it wasn't working out, I felt totally detached from what I was doing, it's hard to explain. Either way, I just ended up going back to bed and kind of laid there for a couple hours until I nodded off, then woke up soon after and laid around for a couple more hours. When I finally got up I didn't feel the same as I did earlier but I still didn't feel right.

Tonight I took my medication as I was supposed to [I take them both about an hour before bed] and an hour and a half to two hours later I felt weird in my head. Like something pushing on my brain. I ended up spending the night just kinda doing random stuff, carrying on weird conversations in my head and playing through these endless scenarios. Just pacing around going nowhere.

Now it's like 4:30 am and I've gotten no sleep [not abnormal for me, but still]. I tried taking another one of the risperidone's because they're supposed to make you drowsy, but it didn't work [I know I shouldn't mess around with anti-psychotics but still, I want my mind to stop so I can sleep]. Im thinking tomorrow I'll grab some alcohol and at least have that to help me sleep [though I need to get drunk for that to happen].

But I don't know what to do. I mean, my doctor isn't being a jerk he is honestly trying what hes got to offer to help me out. As far as I know I'm being looked at as having borderline personality disorder and that's why he keeps giving me anti-depressants and anti-psychotics. But with all the meds he's given me, I've made no progress in terms of being a more stable person. I've probably just been getting worse. For example, I've got a problem with self injury, and I'm not talking small cuts or anything like that. My left arm is covered in scars from about 15 third degree burns, I've cvarved all kinds of weird statements into my arms and chest, and I've got huge gashes [I mean, stuff that really should have been stitched up] on my biceps and back. I end up doing this when my mind just goes off into some other place, and it's like somebody else is doing it and they think it's a good idea. And this has gotten worse [I've been dealing with it for about ten years but recently it's kind of exploded]. Worst part is I can't let anybody see this crap, if they do, holy christ, I couldn't imagine my families response.

But I don't know what to do. No medication so far has done anything, and now this crap I'm on is weirding me out like crazy. These meds are expensive as hell too. Nearly $150 for a 30 day supply and I've got no coverage and have lost my job so I'm living off savings.

What do I tell my doctor? At some point this guy is gonna throw his prescription pad right at my head or something. There's no way hes going to continue tolerating my crap and the fact that I just seem to have either no reaction or a negative reaction to anything he tries. I feel like just going in and saying 'yeah, I feel great good work, thanks' and keeping on what hes got me on now. But chances are I'll end up hanging myself or something. This man is going to lose his patients with my crap eventually.

I don't know what to do. Do I tell him and risk getting the boot? Do I just give up on getting any sort of treatment? Do I just deal with the endless flood of crap in my brain?

I'm at a loss here, it seems I've run out of options.

Hi,

Over the last several months I have been receiving treatment for depression and/or borderline personality disorder [no official decision has been made]. This treatment has involved the use of antidepressants [among other things] however I have not really been responding to them. In fact, I can honestly say none of them have done anything for me. So far I have been put on [in the following order]:

Prozac [20mg then 40mg]

Citalopram [Don't remember the dosage]

Mirtazapine [15mg then 30mg]

Wellbutrin XL [150mg then 300mg]

I've also been given Seroquel, Clonazepam and Olanzapine in combination with a few of them

I have taken each for at least a month before being switched.

I am currently taking Wellbutrin and Olanzapine.

I can honestly say I have gotten nothing out of any of these medications other than a dent in my bank account. I have been on Wellbutrin and Olanzapine for a month and a half now and I have no idea why these things don't work for me. I have read of others who have had 'life changing' experiences from the use of any one of these drugs and I don't get anything. I don't even suffer any of the alleged side effects they commonly cause.

So I am at a loss. There is no denying I have been depressed for many years and it has gotten much worse over the last year [hence seeking treatment]. I am not getting any help from these medications and any therapy I have received has been less than helpful. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow where I know he is going to ask about how the current medication is working and my answer is obviously going to be that it is not.

Does anyone have any idea where he might go next? Theres a good chance he'll opt for a new medication, I'm wondering if anybody has any ideas what it might be. Or if not, where else he might turn.

Any advice/input would be appreciated.

Thank You.

I was wondering if it is illegal to download a game [via torrent] that you already own, and subsequently own a license and valid serial code to?

I own a computer without a CD drive and have a lot of games I would like to install, however it can be a tedious process converting my CD's to ISO images and transferring them. Downloading would be quicker and easier.

I would imagine if I have bought and paid for the game I can acquire the installation files by any means so long as I use the serial code I have paid for [and I would think the same principle holds for games that do not need serial codes].

Thanks.