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the first time i remember thinking about my age was when i was 13 and my sister turned 15-i simply couldnt imagine ever being that old. when i was 16, i was afraid of 18, at 18 i was scared of reaching 19 and 20, let alone 21.

i am now 25 and, although i look younger than i am, im still disgusted about my age.

when i see other people aged 25, 30, even my grandma (70), i feel fine about it. its not really to do with the physical process of ageing, nor that i feel life is passing me by-i am quite happy with my life. im also not afraid of dying.

its odd that when i think of someone else being 25, i think that they are still so young, but when i think of me being 25 i feel ancient.

every day i think, 'there is another day gone, never coming back'.

i used to insist that people get me a 'happy 18th' card for every birthday. now i cant pull 18 off, and i know it. i have thought of asking for a 'happy 21st' card for birthdays but people will think that im becoming ridiculous.

i am genuinely petrified and the birthday cards where in the hope that i would eventually forget me real age and feel better (obviously i would avoid doing the math of my birth date).

i have to say i was born in the 80's!

why do i feel this way, will it ever stop, and is there anything to prevent the thoughts? its a serious confidence issue. i hate my age the way i used to hate my nose-only i cannot change this, even if i had the money to do so.

please be nice about this....its a phobia....i feel sick.

when i was 16 i was in an awful relationship-anyone who has been there knows the effects it has and how painful everyday is. i was strangled to unconsciousness and sexually abused daily, while being locked in the flat. this went on for a year, then i called the police and pressed charges. he went to jail for 5 years.i began recovering and managed to form a new relationship with a great guy (we have been together 7 years now and have 3 kids). everything was going well and i was 'over' what had happened. then 2 years ago, he was released. when i found out, i went straight to the shop and bought a pack of beer. i have gotten drunk almost every night since. i am fine during the day, then start drinking at about 8pm until im drunk enough to sleep. i NEED to stop.my partner works full time and i home educate my kids so i have literally ZERO time alone to attend AA or counselling. so how do i stop?

here is the strange thing-when my partner works nights, i dont drink. if he isnt there i feel no need to drink at all. (i would like to clarify that my partner has NEVER hurt me in any way and i completely trust him so i dont know why its this way)

i would like some advice on this matter. my children are in bed when i drink so they rarely see me drinking and my partner insists he doesnt mind, but i need to stop before i damage myself.

self help books that work? online/telephone support?

any advice? please?

we moved house a few weeks ago, and within a day or two, a cat was in our garden playing with the ornaments. my children were thrilled. we coaxed it over-it seemed very nervous-then my partner arrived home in the car and scared the cat away. 2 weeks later it returned-again nervous. it eventually came over to us and allowed us to stroke and pet it. the next day it was back, and the next, and the next.

it has now been visiting for a whole week, every day, all day. it comes in our house and lounges on our sofa. we have fed and watered(!) it. i know this alone would be a reason for the cat to stick around, but i find it odd that it would stay at our house from 8am to 10pm (when we put it outside) if it has another happy home to go to. today we fed it cat food for the first time (previously we fed it tinned ham/tuna) and it seemed as though it hadnt eaten real cat food for a long time-the way it scarfed it down!

the cat has no collar, is very friendly(although nervous as i said) and seems to have been previously owned, maybe owned even now.

what should we do? i feel terrible just leaving it outside the door and ignoring it, even if it has another family. it just sits there and stares at us, meowing occasionally.

does this sound stray to you? i have no idea.

thank you.

my 7 year old son violently rubs his face when he is excited/stimulated. he bunches his fists up and rubs (the way a small child will rub their eye). he rubs under his eyes on his cheeks. this makes his cheeks red and sore and he has had nose bleeds in the past from doing it.

i would like to find some sort of alternative and am looking for suggestions.

i have thought of getting him some different materials that he could rub on his face to see which texture he likes but i think he would still do it just as violently-im sure the force of the rubbing is an important part of why he does it- and its the violence that we would like to stop.

is there any way around this? i have tried all the usual tricks-distraction etc...but to no avail.

i have also searched the web trying to find others dealing with this, but havent found anything useful.

also, if anybody knows of a good uk online autism store, that would be great.

any suggestions will be helpful...

thank you

he worked there straight out of school fr 10 years. we then moved county and he has a new job through an agency. he has been offered a 'real' job (with a contract) but they need a reference. he keeps contacting his ex-employer who says he will send it through but doesnt ever do it and he ignores our emails.

we are really worried that my partner wont get this job as they are really insisting on this reference.

he has no other previous employers so this is the only reference available.

does he have any rights? what can we do?

thank you

hi, its my partners car and its a renault megane scenic, over 10 years old.

we have had it for about 2 years and i think its always done it, but its much much worse now, especially during the winter.

my partner tries to start the car and it makes a loud screeching noise-ch-ch-ch-ch, he waits a few minutes and tries again. it took about 10 attempts this morning. he took it to the mechanic the other day and had something replaced-it was a thick cable/pipe of some sort, which was badly corroded, but it hasnt helped. if it helps, it cost us £35 in total to get it replaced,.

once the car does start up, it makes a squealing noise which carries on while he drives away. (its pretty embarrassing!)

we really need this fixing as the weather is going to get much worse and he leaves for work at 5am, so wakes up everybody.

what could this be?

thank you

hi, just a few questions i would really like some help with....

my son is 7 and he likes(needs) to 'rock and roll'-this is where he begins to do a tippletail(head over heels), but once the top of his back touches the floor, he rocks back to his heels again. he has his arms wrapped around his head when he does this, he is very tensed up and he does it very fast and violently. sometimes he will do full tippletails and then do a backwards tippletail immediately and so on...again and again. i would like to add that he only does this at bedtime or when music is playing.

he is allowed to do this as i know its important to him, but i have just one rule in place which he simply will not follow. the rule is that he absolutely cannot do it on furniture-especially on his bed-as he has broken 4 beds doing this. he is allowed his pillow on the floor or cushions or whatever so its more comfortable.

is it okay to have this rule in place? also, when he does break the rule-what do i do? i have tried everything but he continues to ruin his bed.

final thing: he is home educated and due to there never being enough hours in the day, he doesnt get to socialize during the week, although we do take him to child friendly places at the weekends. people keep telling me to get him out more often, since he has some trouble interacting. the only problems that he has is HOW he interacts-rather than talking/playing with another child, he will simply follow them around. rather than speaking to others 'normally' he will drone on about his latest obsession and bombard them with compliments such as 'you have the most beautiful eyes i have ever seen'. it makes some people uncomfortable, but so what?

my question is-since he obviously isnt 'reclusive' and he happily socializes whenever he can, does he need to socialize more? i understand that autistic children who dont enjoy being around people and try to avoid it at all costs would need the encouragement etc...but my son doesnt have that difficulty. he socializes on the weekends and i am obviously attempting to teach him about the 'correct' ways to interact with others, but i think that will always be over his head, as alot of adult aspies say themselves-they just cannot understand peoples incredibly subtle way of communicating. saying that, the hints i drop my son sometimes, that i cant stay here for another 3 hours and watch another dvd about the universe as i need to do other things-right over his head.

sorry about the length-any advice welcome and appreciated!

thank you

hi, christmas is coming up and i am despairing about what to buy my child.

he is 7 and destroys anything he touches within a few hours. i usually buy him wooden toys but he is a bit old for that now, or stuff that he can only have while supervised (real construction, lego etc).

his little brother is getting a buzz lightyear and my 7 year old wants one too, but i know he will chew it to death, pour water on it so it doesnt work, snap the arms off etc.... which would be horrendous considering how much they cost.

actually, i was thinking of getting him a soft floor cushion or something as he loves to rock and roll and he isnt allowed to do that on the furniture, but what a boring present that would be! he has no interests that arent educational related, only obsessions. his latest one is plants vs zombies but there is nothing to buy for that(other than foam 'display' toys from china, which he has).

failing any suggestions-should i just get him another 'under supervision only' toy?

lastly-any ideas on how to stop the destruction?

any help will be appreciated,

PLEASE no nasty comments-he is autistic and he does get disciplined for breaking things but nothing is working so far. i think he deserves a nice toy for once and maybe if he ges one he will love it and not destroy it(is that actually possible?)

i have been home educating my children for 2 years now. we have so far been following the national curriculum(to their age and ability etc). the problem is, i find alot of the curriculum ridiculous. such as,i dont believe i should be teaching them another language as they may never need it in life.

also, why should they be taught about obtuse/acute triangles or algebra-they may need these skills if they become a mathematician, in which case they would surely learn these things at university while studying for their degree.

my actual question is-how much of the curriculum do i have to teach?

i am thinking of basic maths, complete english(since they will need this every day of their lives), history, geography, basic science, cooking and basically how to look after themselves, plus we will focus on any interests they have at any particular time.

i know there is autonomous teaching, where you allow them to learn through life/play etc.....but how far can you go?

would i be allowed to teach my children as stated above or would i get into trouble for it?

any advice will be greatfully received.

we have finally reached a diagnosis for my 7 year old child----autism. they haven't told us yet but i know its 'mild' (high functioning?). the problem is what to do now?

when my other children are naughty, i don't enjoy disciplining them, but i don't feel guilty about it as it was their choice to misbehave etc,,. but with my 7 year old, i hate myself because i feel he can't fully control what he is doing/he is being forgetful/he doesn't understand what i am asking of him etc.......now he is diagnosed i can adapt some rules to better support him and make life easier for him. but what is the limit?

for example, i have been going with my instincts for the past few days and letting him do as he pleases as long as no one is in danger (even when he is doing something extremely irritating!), even though if my other children were doing something as annoying, i would ask them to stop etc....

JUST TO CLARIFY---i am not going to let him get away with murder, but its harder for him to keep so many rules in his head, so as long as he isn't harming anybody, why ask him to stop? do you understand what i mean?

anyway, any answers/advice would be much appreciated regarding what to do now.

i really wasn't prepared for this, i just assumed we would never get a diagnosis as his autism is so mild.

if you have experience of this situation and can answer the following questions, please do!--what did you do/what changed/how did you react/what did you tell your child/what did you tell your other children?

advice please! thank you :)

i know loads of people get withdrawal symptoms, which vary wildly in their severity but is it possible to not have any at all?

myself, my partner and our 3 children privately rent a house. we are on the council housing list but are at the bottom of the list so thats an unlikely option. we have privately rented for almost 4 years now. this is our 4th privately rented house in that time. we have had horrible landlords-from the brickwork crumbling around the front door, to gaping holes in the floor (child sized holes-no kidding), to mould taht cost us half our furniture-the landlords didnt care, so we had to keep moving. we have now found a fantastic landlord-but its only a tiny 2 bed house, with no garden in an area that doesnt have any shops we can use, let alone a park etc....should we move?

our oldest son (6) is sleeping in our room, our youngest two are in the converted loft. our kitchen has 3 small cupboards and 1 drawer. we havent room for anything at all, and not having a garden is really upsetting the kids.

but if we move, its 99% likely we will end up with another terrible landlord and be forced to move again.

im stuck! please help! what would you do?

my son, almost 7 now, is being referred for support/diagnosis for mild autism/aspergers. he has also been referred to speech and language therapy. here are some of his speech difficulties:

he breathes through words rather than pausing

(this is hard to describe) he kind of stutters in his breathing while talking. he doesnt stutter through words but he does with his breathing........if you know what i mean

he takes a long time to get a sentence out, having to start from the beginning a few times

i dont know if this counts but he also cant rephrase things, if he isnt understood and he describes things strangely. if he is describing a tap instead of saying 'its on the sink and its silver and you twist it to get water' he will say something like 'it has water and is bent' which is very confusing.

anyway, we went to the appointment today and the lady said she thinks this is not a speech problem, but rather something to do with his social skills.

i really dont understand what this means-how could it be socially related?

please help!

my son, almost 7 now, is being referred for support/diagnosis for mild autism/aspergers. he has also been referred to speech and language therapy. here are some of his speech difficulties:

he breathes through words rather than pausing

(this is hard to describe) he kind of stutters in his breathing while talking. he doesnt stutter through words but he does with his breathing........if you know what i mean

he takes a long time to get a sentence out, having to start from the beginning a few times

i dont know if this counts but he also cant rephrase things, if he isnt understood and he describes things strangely. if he is describing a tap instead of saying 'its on the sink and its silver and you twist it to get water' he will say something like 'it has water and is bent' which is very confusing.

anyway, we went to the appointment today and the lady said she thinks this is not a speech problem, but rather something to do with his social skills

help please?