Are Americans’ Human Rights Being Denied?

Question

It’s hardly believable that Burns Night is upon us once more (Yeah!) but at this time of gaiety and celebration, let us spare a thought for our American cousins, cruelly deprived of the delights of genuine Scottish haggis.

In England, the arrival of Burns Night is usually heralded by the appearance on the TV and in the shops of all things Scottish. 

In the TV news slots we may be treated to a visit to some shortbread factory in Mid-Lothian or to the spectacle of an outside broadcast reporter, resplendent in a kilt which he has donned for the occasion, having a bash at caber tossing with hilarious consequences or reporting from a little known distillery in the back of beyond where, pie-eyed, he is joining in the spirit of the occasion by indulging in the delights of a 50 years old single malt whiskey, the cost of which per bottle, we are told, would set you back as much as a modest semi-detached bungalow in East Kilbride. 

In addition to the news items we may also notice the infiltration of our TV schedules, by the odd Scottish or Burns themed programme which will inevitably include bagpipes. Now let me say straight away that this is all fine, after all, who among us can honestly say that at some time in their lives they haven’t, thrilled to the strains of Andy Stewart complete with bagpipe accompaniment, singing “Wi’ A Hundred Pipers a’ a’ an’ a’ “, and dancing wi’ all the grace and the gait of a Gerry Anderson puppet.

Then there’s the haggis, an entire year’s production of which appears to be dumped onto the shelves of our supermarkets a week or so before Burns Night and most of which is still languishing there a month later. 

Now it occurs to me that if the import ban on haggis, which for some insane reason the US government have seen fit to impose, were to be lifted, everyone’s needs would be served. The Scottish haggis industry would have access to the lucrative US market; the Americans would be able to indulge in this eccentric Celtic delicacy and the English could fill the shelf space freed up by this migration with something that we enjoy to eat.

Many Americans are probably horrified at the prospect of eating haggis, believing that it is a wee tartan creature with legs of unequal lengths which can be found scurrying across the hillsides of the Highlands of Scotland. If this were true I could fully understand their reluctance (yuk!) but it is not. According to my Scottish neighbour, this is a scurrilous lie put about no doubt by ‘those Sassenach softies south of the border’ to put people off the idea of trying it.

Nothing so terrible. A haggis is in fact a mixture of a sheep’s heart, lungs, liver and any other bits that happen to be hanging around, which is boiled, ground and mixed with oatmeal, onion, herbs and seasonings, stuffed into a sheep’s stomach or an ox secum (Yum!), boiled for a couple of hours and then served with tatties and neeps. 

So I think that he time has come to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with our Trans-Atlantic friends to pressure politicians, lobby governments and join in public protests and fight for their right to freely partake of this tasty and wholesome treat.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

The wild haggis cannot be kept in captivity very well and I have it on good authority that the Common Scottish Haggis, released into the wild by Scottish immigrants, was hunted to extinction by the americans, along with the Passenger Pigeon and then had to be renamed The Most Uncommon Scottish Haggis. Please, I beg you, send no more of these delightful little creatures to america, where they will only be exterminated in the most barbaric, inhuman and inhumane fashion. Sod the americans I say, the american Bison was also hunted, almost to extinction and the thought of the Most Uncommon Scottish Haggis, cowering in fear, as some murderous mountain of flesh and blubber comes at it with a huge spiked club to dispatch it to that great Haggis moorland in the sky, gives me nightmares.

Simple Simon · Answer

Yes, of course they are. I believe that Rosa Parks was denied Haggis whilst remanded in custody. What other evidence is required?
I think it also incumbent upon me to point out that the Israeli blockade of Gaza has also denied Palestinians the opportunity to celebrate Burns' night, but they are also thus prevented from access to a much wider range of puddings by this too, so perhaps that's not entirely relevant, but I do understand that Yasser Arafat was partial to haggis, when available.
Perhaps that PA should include this in their negotiations? I'll check on al-Jazeera to see that they haven't already discussed the matter.

p.s. Apparently it was neeps that Yasser favoured, sorry.

ironbrew · Answer

Aye, Brilliant! 

 I recently did a search for haggis for sale in the US.  One can is $12 and if you want it tied in the bag..$70 !  Outrageous.   I had a haggis roll for breakfast in a small cafe in Stirling.  The waitress was concerned that I didn't know what I was ordering, but when she found out that I was a piper that liked single malts, she asked to marry me!  Her idea of a perfect man.  The USA just doesn't know what it's missing. 

I hope Scotland still has the import ban on Twinkies !

Debbie C · Answer

This did make me giggle!

 I have my haggis ready and prepared for tonight, though for the life of me couldn't get a hold of any neeps must have been a bad harvest! I do pity those who haven't had the opportunity to delight in this traditional and delightful cuisine! 

air fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the Puddin-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,

Painch, tripe, or thairm:

Weel are ye wordy of a grace

As lang's my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill

In time o' need,

While thro' your pores the dews distil

Like amber bead.

His knife see Rustic-labour dight,
An' cut you up wi' ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright

Like onie ditch;

And then, O what a glorious sight,

Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn they stretch an' strive,
Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve

Are bent like drums;

Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,

"Bethankit!" hums.

Is there that owre his French _ragout_
Or olio that wad stow a sow,
Or fricasee wad mak her spew

Wi' perfect sconner

Looks down wi' sneering, scornfu' view

On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! See him owre his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,

His nieve a nit;

Thro' bluidy flood or field to dash,

O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,

He'll mak it whissle;

An' legs, an' arms, an' heads will sned,

Like taps o' thrissle.

Ye Pow'rs wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o' fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware,

That jaups in luggies;

But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer,

Gie her a Haggis!

Anonymous · Answer

No, they are not. It is incredible that you would think that a ban on the import of offal translates to an 'denial of human rights'. Try living somewhere that your human rights are actually infringed upon. This is the equivalent of going around calling anyone you don't like a Nazi, it simply diminishes the horrors of what was actually done. Boo hoo for the stomach munchers.

Anonymous · Answer

Personally I think all scots should f*** off back to Scotland as soon as possible. At least Gordon Brown has gone, so that's a start!

Are Americans’ Human Rights Being Denied?

6 Answers