Do I Divulge My Dirty Secret?

Question

I find myself, one might say, caught on the horns of a dog-dirt dilemma. 

Last week whilst rushing out to meet up with mates, I managed to step in dog muck which, as I was wearing boots with a very deep tread, proved really difficult to clean off. 

I tried the normal tried and tested removal methods such as shuffling around on the grass, scraping on the kerbside and raking with bits of stick, all with limited success. Even running it under the hot water tap failed to shift the s**t. I needed a brush, I tried the toilet brush but it was too big to fit into the grooves and in any case, tended to ‘sprink’ the muck all over the place.

It was then that I hit upon the brilliant idea of using an old toothbrush, I searched the flat but couldn't find one but as my girlfriend had bought a new one in the weekly shopping a couple of days earlier, I decided to use her old one. It worked like a charm, not a trace remained and my soles had never looked so clean. 

I realise now that I should have thrown the toothbrush away as soon as I had finished cleaning but I was in a hurry and forgot. You can imagine my horror then the next morning, when I got up after my girlfriend had gone off to college, to see the toothbrush back in its holder on the bathroom windowsill. This meant that, presumably, she had used it that morning as well as the night before.

Now I don’t know what to do. Although I know that if she finds out she will freak-out (she is really girly in that way), because we are usually very honest with each other about everything, the guilt is gnawing away at me and I feel really uncomfortable keeping this secret. I now suspect that she may have picked up on this and I’m worried that this, coupled with my reluctance to kiss her over the past few days, might lead her to the wrong conclusion. My mates all say that I can’t undo what’s done and what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. 

So do I follow my mates’ advice and say nothing but carry the guilt or do I come clean, make myself feel a bit better but risk a domestic meltdown?

? · Accepted Answer

Hidy Ho (just saw you're Mr Hanky)- throw away the toothbrush- replace it with a new one and if she asks about it say you accidentally knocked the old one in the toilet and bought her a new one right-a-way- and she'll say awwww you're so sweet and considerate and give you a big fat smooch- I feel you should reciprocate the kiss as punishment for funkin' up her toothbrush in the first place- naughty little man

You're not Mr Hanky anymore :(

Alzo · Answer

Forget it.  If it makes you feel better, put her toothbrush in boiling water (after it has been taken off the flame--you don't want to melt it).  I know in reality it won't matter, but it will kind of "cleanse" your mind from the incident.

Is she sick?  Has she survived?  Don't you think those germs are gone?  Yeah, it's gross, but if you consider all the gross stuff we have in and on our bodies in the way of bacteria, it's a miracle we're alive at all.

You did rinse off her toothbrush well, didn't you?  Then all those "doggie-doo" particles in her mouth are gone.

Yes, honesty is important in any relationship, but it doesn't automatically mean you simply must say every single thing.

Besides, she'll kill you.

Edit:  @ I C U: Yeah, that was dumb of me.  Hey, throw out the toothbrush and get her a new one.  Sorry.   In fact, purposely drop it in the toilet so there's no lie involved.

Simple Simon · Answer

It's a very odd dilemma you describe. I actually did this deliberately to my ex-girlfriend - though in this case it involved human ordure - in order to get my own back for her infidelities. Originally I had intended it as a parting shot, but as the days went by and she failed to notice the daily renewal I began to enjoy the fact that she was in effect sharing my fecal matter with her numerous lovers. 
My pleasure grew when I clandestinely read in her sms messages that more than one had reported being unaccountably sick, asking also if she was ok. Her response indicated her own tummy problems so I continued to anoint her brush daily.
Eventually, of course, I was unable to prevent myself letting her in on my dirty secret only to discover that the stomach trouble related to a rather nasty virus she had contracted from one of her beaus which, due to my continuing intimate relations with her throughout that time came back to me with interest in the form of Hepatitis C!!!
It also transpired that she had throughout been using my own toothbrush in a similar way and that this had resulted in my own gingivitis as a direct result.
I'm now considering taking legal action against her and wondered if my own admission might militate against successful litigation?
Discretion is the better part of valour and I therefore advise you to remain tight-lipped.

? · Answer

you do not might desire to tell all and sundry something with reference to the situation which you probably did wen you have been genuine youthful all of us have achieved loopy concern wen we've been youthful and stupid- so which you have been wild wen you have been 15 that has not something to do with the guy which you're as we communicate only look at your beautiful relatives you do not might desire to supply any concepts to every person the present is what counts not the previous

Icequeen · Answer

I feel sick.

Slimzybox · Answer

Take it to the grave my friend! take it to the grave! lol

Do I Divulge My Dirty Secret?

6 Answers