How do I convince my parents that they should move to assisted living?

See if you can get someone from the assisted living home to come out to the farm and have a talk with them and have that person bring some brochures along too..Most doctors will recommend that they move there too for help..Or you can have someone come to the farm everyday to check on them too..but also your parents are set in their ways and I would leave them alone until your mom really says something..=)

Although assisted living is great , the cost is often prohibitive .

The place near my parents rural location is over $2000 a month for a 1 Bedroom with 2 meals a day , 2nd person costs more and if they need personal 'assistance'.

The cost starts around $3000 a month ( $36000 a year ) and is NOT covered by Medicare .

If You have the money , you can of course do this wonderful thing for them ,

But most seniors do Not have the funds to stay in assisted living more than a few months and many are living into their 90s .

If however you or your parents have a 1/2 million or more you can put into a annuity ,

The payouts would almost cover the cost of the facility .

Good luck

You can NOT. Time will! Just watch out for them meanwhile. I was an only child so know NOT easy.In the UK, we have good home care which we had, at a cost, but is NOT good for nights, and they cost big time. That is what swayed them to go into a Care Home. Dad since died.

You have to be brutal. We are amongst the lucky ones, as her income/pensions nearly all pay her fees, and this is supplemented by rent we get from a place, since bought with the equity from her home. No savings now, but at least an income and equity in the rental property, to be able to leave something for the family.! Others are not so lucky. They watch what funds they have dwindle and then get fees paid by the State.

Its funny you should ask this because yesterday me and a group of friends volunteered at an assisted living home and it was great. The problem I ran into with the folks there is a lot of them had fun and enjoyed it but there kids stopped visiting them, so they maybe see it as a bad thing. My suggestion is that you take them there for a tour and see what they think, when they see how it helps and doesn't hurt there lives they might be more open to the idea. Collect brochures and papers from a couple and give it to them, let them kind of see how it works.

Listen to yourself man... put yourself in there shoes, you should be glad they still have each other. Nobody wants to loose self responsibility at any age.

Instead of throwing away thousands of dollars a week on sub standard health care you should look into Stem Cell treatment for your fathers dementia.

Japan are already doing things in this area, so if you have the money its a no brainer really

Assisted Living Facilities are quite evil as far as Im concerned... Im talking about the guy who goes around getting info on patients assets so he can.... EVIL!

Hope you find some of what I said helpful

There are certain things in life that are impossible.

Talking your parents into giving up their way of life to be treated like babies is one of them.

Assisted living facilities aren't cheap if they are any good (which is another issue unto itself).

Could you hire a qualified caregiver to either come everyday or stay with them 24/7?

That will certainly take the load off of your mother.

Although she will undoubtedly develop an extreme guilt complex because she thinks she should be doing it for her husband, not some stranger.

I think you need to consult with their doctor and some geriatric professionals to find out the best way to approach all of these delicate issues.

Good Luck.

I'm in U.K. where home care schemes are abysmal but these might be better where you are. They are meant to be a good alternative to 'going into care'. It would be worth looking into. However, if your mother feels that she is, so far, coping with the situation you might just have to allow her to do this her own way. If she begins to find it too much then that will be the time to suggest getting help again. If your father is left alone then he probably will need a lot of help. Elderly people who become the carer of their spouse are often the first to die because they become worn out so, when your mother begins to 'wilt', have another word with her and let her know that she could be harming herself and ask her how your father will cope without her.

Moving into an assisted living community is a very touchy subject. Some seniors realize that they belong in an assisted living community far before most do. It sounds like your parents could go either way as far as health care goes, but your father's dementia is definitely a concern. Making sure you know exactly what assisted living communities offer is a great first step in the process of moving to a community. What does your mother like to do with her free time, play cards or socializing with friends? Maybe this would be a good place to start. Make a list of things that your mother enjoys doing, and what your father enjoys and find a community that offers most of those activities or amenities.

Since your father does have dementia, it is important that your mother is fully aware of what is next to come. Assisted living communities are great places to be if you have dementia because the staff has experience caring for those with the disease, and in some cases can prolong the effects of it because the surrounding environment is specifically designed for dementia patients. It sounds like your mother is already being greatly effected by your father's condition. If your mother sees the great support systems that are at assisted living, maybe that will encourage her to learn more about them and maybe even go visit a community to see what it is like for herself. Although assisted living communities are great for seniors who have dementia, they are also fantastic places for seniors who don't have dementia as well. With activities always planned, trips, amenities and meals prepared for the residents three times a day, these communities encourage the residents to relax and simply enjoy life with worrying about utility bills, driving or cooking!

Something that our Care Advisors suggest to the families that they help move into assisted living communities is that if a parent is hesitant about moving, the family should research and visit a few communities to make sure their loved one would like it there. If you bring your mother and father somewhere that you've never seen before and it turns out to be someplace they know they won't be happy, they'll only become more resistant to the idea of moving.

If you would like some assistance with your search, call one of Care Advisors here at SeniorLiving.Net at (866) 906-4033 where you will receive completely free support every step of the way. The Care Advisor you will talk to will be local to your area where you are looking for care and has relationships with thousands of senior living communities. Tell the Care Advisor your concerns, your wants, needs and wishes in what a community will have for your parents, and let our Care Advisors do the rest (they can even set up a tour for you if you'd like to tour one of our partner communities!).

Hi Wayne,

This is a really sensitive subject to bring up with one’s parents. They’ll feel as if their independence is under attack. They also probably have some misconceptions that an assisted living facility is akin to a nursing home, when in fact assisted living is only for higher-functioning seniors.

Here’s a checklist of important questions to ask when considering whether to move into an assisted living home: http://www.sharpseniors.com/a/when-move-senior-cen...

Perhaps it would be worth to speak with your parents over the points where you have some concerns. As you’ve mentioned, your parents are still relatively capable of taking care of themselves, and they don’t seem quite ready to give up their home, a possible alternative could be in-home care. This could give your parents an extra hand with activities of daily living, without their feeling like they’re sacrificing their independence. http://www.sharpseniors.com/a/assisted-living-vers...

Unfortunately in the case of dementia, the sufferer usually only deteriorates further to the point when around-the-clock monitoring and care is necessary.

While it sounds like you certainly need to have a very serious conversation with your parents, timing is also really important. Your parents certainly aren’t going to pack up and move out of their family home at the drop of a hat, so it’s better to ease them into the idea. You have to remember to respect their pace.

There are some really great pointers in this thorough article on “How to Convince Mom and Dad to Move to an Assisted Living Center” http://www.sharpseniors.com/a/how-convince-mom-and...

You should also consider the huge transition that relocation to an assisted living facility means to your parents. This rundown of “Transition Tips” should help you see things from their perspective, and help you to allay any of their concerns: http://www.sharpseniors.com/a/transition-tips-your...

I hope this has been helpful. The best of luck to you and your family.

Liz Murphy

www.sharpseniors.com

You can't, and not to allow them to live in their home where they're comfortable as long as they're capable is just wrong. Unless it gets to a point where your father's dementia is taking a real toll on your mother's health, or that he is doing something that could have serious consequences for both of them, I think you should back off for now. I have been where you are.