Is this a good story considering it was written by a 12 year old? Yes i have permission?

Personally I adore your style of writing, it can have parallels with established contemporary authors, moreover I appreciate the fact that the story is written trough a ten year old's perspective, as it gives you a "licence" to omit certain grammar mistakes. I like the descriptions and the theme you have chosen. As of now: Keep on writing, if this is your caliber at 12, I must say I see an author in you when you grow up!

Good for a twelve year old? Shouldn't everyone's writing be judged on the same plane, regardless of age? How would people improve if we always judged them against their peers?

But it is a good start. You've got the basics there, you just need to refine your skill a little, which will come with practice. Everyone has to start somewhere. For now, I suggest you focus on expanding your passages. What you've got there is the bare bones of what is happening to your character, but you could stretch the period from her coming home to the machine guns pointing at her into hundreds or even thousands of words. Through your writing must come characterisation, setting, emotion etc, but I'm not getting much of this now. For example, I don't get much off your character. All I know is that the person is ten (by the way, numbers should be written out in letter form, so '12 Russian soldiers' would become 'twelve Russian soldiers'), I don't get a feel for his or her personality at all, what it means to them to be in this situation etc.

Something else to think about it the logistics of your story. How did your character find out that his or her dad was a spy? How have the Russians even found out, and would they be actually able to take these people hostage like that, presumably in broad daylight? Wouldn't the police be involved, or the military who the character's dad works for? If the Russians were that hot on their heels, would the parents really wait until the character has come home from school?

Oh, and it doesn't matter if you have permission or not, people under the age of thirteen are not allowed to post.

The story line is intriguing and will make a good yarn but the content does not sound believable. Why would any parent tell a ten year old girl that they could be murdered by Russian soldiers. Where did this take place? It doen't sound credible to be in Russia and there would certainly not be Russian soldiers with machine guns in America. Have a think about it because the idea is certainly a readable one. Never use numbers in a story unless it is the year. e.g. 2 should be two but 2012 is fine.

I applaud the attempt and she should be given every encouragement to use her ideas and broaden her knowledge. Good luck with your story.

It could be, but it could go into more detail in places, such as describing the setting, and the expressions on the parents' and Russians' faces etc. Also it is a bit on the short side.

Yes

Yeah you sound good, especially for your age. Keep on writing! :) You have some good word choice too.