Is this poem good for a 13 year old?

Question

Title: I miss you

I miss you my love, so so much
I dream of you're body, you're tender, kind touch

I remember those decades, weeks, days
When we would lie in bed listening to the gushing waves

Our house on the beach, so warm, so wet
I just want to be with you in the glowing sunset

I remember being woken by the touch of your kiss
Your skin brushing mine, pure,pure bliss

The words, laughs, drinks, food
Lying shamelessly in the sun, always in the nude

I just want you back, much more than you know,
I pledge that to you my affection I'll show

I know I have cheated and treated you wrong
But we can't fight our destiny, me and you just belong
 
I'll buy you a new dress, gold, red, white or black
I'd spend a whole fortune just to have my queen back

You can be my angel, my pure white dove
I promise, for the rest of my days I'll give you my love




Please rate considering I'm only 13 and on the content not punctuation but if there are any vital punctuation/grammatical errors, please tell me

 Thankyou :)

Rashid · Accepted Answer

Too much grammatical errors.  Even if you are 13, with so much grammatical errors it can't be considered a poem.
First two lines I'm suggesting-
"I miss you my love too much
I dream of your body and kind touch"
Not only rhymes, there should be rhythm and flow in a good poem.
=x=

Anonymous · Answer

The poem itself shows real promise.  As you say your grammar and punctuation need a little polishing.

Line 2 I dream of your body not you're - you are)

I know I have cheated and treated you wrongly or badly - not wrong
But we can't fight our destiny, you and me -  ?

Otherwise very good, mature - as poetic licence, you could get away with wrong - I just want you know it's not quite right.

Good luck.  Keep writing.

Mo

Erika · Answer

That was great! You have some talent, Im horrible at poetry, wish I was good at it considering most music is poetry just known as rap and other genres

Is this poem good for a 13 year old?

3 Answers