Here are a few funnies for the community?

I used to think it was pretentious that Subway call their staff "Sandwich Artists".

But I suppose it is the most likely career option for an Art graduate.

My girlfriend's psychiatrist told her that I'm paranoid and jealous.

He's just saying that to get her into bed.

I walked up to the new female employee at work today and said, "I'd like to personally welcome you here."

"Ah, thank you," she smiled.

"Since you're working with me now I'm going to need your number, in case I want anything and you're not at the office," I said, taking out my phone.

"Sure. Like what?"

"A bl0wjob," I replied.

I saw some black kids spray painting their names on a wall and decided to join in.

I'd only done the first three letters of my name when they started beating the **** out of me.

They obviously don't like people called Nigel.

Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children…

Old girlfriends tend to get offended.