Are these funny or what?

You can get kits to fix anything these days but I've invented a kit for when you can't be bothered to fix something

It's called the Fuc Kit

I got bored, so I decided to measure the length of my penis.

Now I'm bored and depressed.

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on do it yourself abortions.

The librarian says, "We had to get rid of it."

"That's the one." the man replies.

Google: There to answer the questions which you are too embarrassed to ask your friends.

I decided to show my kids how to make a burger from scratch.

They burst into tears and refused to eat.

I don't know what the fuss is about, it was a stupid name for a cat.

My girlfriend told me I suffer from a lack of imagination.

I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination."

That showed her.

I've just been down the park to feed the ducks with my kids.

Turns out they prefer bread.

I used to be a man trapped inside a woman's body…

Then I was born.