Will you comment on a new poem of mine?

Question

Dead wood of the damson.

No longer will white petals fall
to soften where I tread,
nor fruit to stain the garden path
in clots of purplish red.

Sawdust scatters to the wind
while kindling covers ground.
Logs are stacked against a wall
and death lurks all around.

I counted rings that spoke to me
of seasons long departed.
The parting of this lovely tree
has left me broken hearted.

Some may say, it was just a tree,
but oh, the joy it brought to me.

skumpfsklub · Accepted Answer

Great start to a longer conversation, which I won't force on you.  But I will say that my immediate reaction to the piece was a kind of rejoinder:  the fire consumes all, finally, tree or man, tardigrade or trilobite; at least your tree passed into history a cherished memory.

But my point is: your poem gave me something to respond to as it were a conversation.  That's pretty rare in the poetry I read; it's usually only:  'hey, here's my profundity, murkily presented for your admiration.'  Yours is much  less the pronunciamento, and much more the communication.  Thanks.  Nice work.

WinterRose · Answer

Oh, can I relate to this poem!  I had such a tree when I was growing up.  It was a fig tree and gave such luscious ruby red figs that it always delighted me, and I spent many hours climbing it's limbs.  To me this tree in your poem seems to depict the drawing to a close of a Life, not just of the tree but of yourself, as age creeps up on you as it does on all of us.  And so the human being is depicted as a tree, once beautiful and fruitful but now decayed and dying.  I love it especially all the beautiful imagery! Thank you cassie58 for such a delightful poem!

Ronit · Answer

Lovely nice poem

? · Answer

I think it's excellent, although publishers might wonder, why the last part is only two lines.
And they might suggest changing purplish red, which sounds pretty, to red or purple. Yes, by all means,
enter it in some contests, and write some more poems.

paulina · Answer

As always Chris, you do not disappoint. A good poem to post to the Cafe, for this montths theme. <3

5 ft 7 Texas Heaven · Answer

As always Chris, you do not disappoint. A good poem to post to the Cafe, for this montths theme. <3

? · Answer

That is beautiful Cassie...and heart rending...i cannot bear to see a cut down either. Your poem aptly speaks of a tree's beauty and the grief in its dying. Welcome back home! : )

STORMY K · Answer

is it published

Anonymous · Answer

A compact and quietly powerful lyric, with not a wasted word. Thanks for sharing.

Will you comment on a new poem of mine?

9 Answers