Self-destruction?

Question

Hi,
first some background:
I have been allways bad, but last year events brought things into more focus.
As far as i can tell i was having simillar problems even when i was little kid, there is a story my mother tells me: back when i was less than 5 it took entire family for me to crack a smile for a photo of me as smiling kid.
Over the years i isolated myselve from people, favouring small number of loyall people over having to deal with most human beings. This has een especially present in second stage of elementary school wherein i began to be or gotten myselve isolated (no idea weather it was me causing it or them).

During my existence (i do not have a life so this was one step below) i gone through people's lives leaving no notable positive trail, i think i am bad persson aswell because only thing i leave is bitter taste of dissapoitement.

Midway through last year i've gotten great job that i could be allright at, met woman whom just shaped my dreams - gave me hope for not being complete failure. but than my brain just decided that happiness shant be allowed and brokme me the **** down. It gotten so bad that i lost sense of hummor, completly shut everything down and subsequently chased her away and gotten out of the work. I was very seruiously contemplating suiscide.

I hate myselve for destroying dreams and being nasty towards woman i still love wholehartidly.
Anny depresion survirors how did you get out of it?

? · Answer

There iz a ztreak of pzeudo - narcizzizm overtaking you in my opinion.
I waz a tranzperzonal therapizt.Now (kind of...) retired.

And yeah, even I tried the zuicide thing and learned he horror of it.    
DON`T.   
                                                        !!!!!!PLEAZE!!!!!

You need uze  any phone help-line until you can find a doctor/ therap/ pzych
experienced with your kind of compulzion.You are NOT innately - bad. GET THAT?
Unhappy kidz find it wrong 2 go againzt who they are at that moment and to..zmile-to-order!
(That iz not `bad`nezz..that`z authenticity. Zo you have authentic reality in you - Good, too, it iz!

I get the zenze though that the behaviour iz learned/ mimicked to a hard habit.. more like
a pzeudo-zociopathy, emulating narcizzizm.

Knowing where you are at and `copping`iz a great thing, truly!

Now, you NEED to bear with each day , finding help, 
maybe coming clean with any PROVEN TO BE TRUZTWORTHY perzon/ people
to LET IN  the love there, all for you
and to love them too, openly. While you urgently zeek help, Pleaze.

It iz okay to weep you do know that?

And it iz  aztonizhing how, once good mental health beginz to be reztored, with zupport it rebuildz itzelf....OKAY?

If you have been exploited, that too will have been happening TO you.

Believe Me.

Try to HEAR thoze who want to reach out for you.

NO zuicide.

You ARE unique but the problem iz NOT.

You mizzed a learning -ztage but that can be repaired, that bridge proudkly made.

All Goodnezz to you.Zomehow, you have faxced the ddark zide,

Read anything by Robert Johnzon,

Heed thoze of uz here who can pick up upon what you are goinmg through,

You, We, Them..All There I for now
and enough when you`re azzizted to take a ztep at a time back to YourZelf.

YOU CAN . I read you.I hear and otherz do, too.
You hear me? :) Yup!

xxx HUG xxx

Alfred · Answer

well, sir, with  your kind permission  , I just humbly guess  you might be young enough to  be  my son, to begin with....
 I understand  you're depressed and traumatised and it sounds  clear enough to me why....
 and even though that's  the way it is....
 I want you  to understand you're one of a kind:  NEVER  EVER  was there ANYONE just like you, nor EVER AGAIN  could there  be such ...
 which is why - your life  in itself  sounds  to me  a holy  enough shrine to thoroughly  be  protected - whatever it takes....
 and all has to be done to  improve your quality of life ...yeah...
 it sounds to me you need/ urgently need the professional help of a psychiatrist or so, in real life, in your area, someone skilled  in treating  people  of  your age- with no further delay...
 and  you clearly need all the tender, love and care you can get....
 yet beyond  this- something has  to change in your life...something essential....
 your attitude, too...yes, sir!
 it's just about time for you to do your best-in the long run- to boost your self - esteem and self - confidence...to learn/ get used to love and respect  yourself along with respecting others...yeah....
 it's just about time for you  to fully understand you're worth  / deserve  to be happy  just as much as everyone of us....yes, sir!
 it's just about time  for you to finely and fully understand that your loving  and respecting yourself and your seeing yourself  worth to be loved  may be/ have to be a pre-requisite of your being loved again as you deserve  and of your finding the power  to brightly and wisely overcome your life's hardships, whatever they be...yes, sir!
I ask you, I beg you, I demand you and I bless  you in:  NEVER EVER  allow whatever of your past  ruin / try to ruin your future- whatsoever!
 you're worth much more and better than this....
 and you already payed a dear enough price...enough is enough!
you probably need  to do your best to change your life- for the best....
I  want you, I ask you and I bless  you in:  NEVER  shall you give up... NEVER  shall you break down...NEVER  shall you lose your faith, nor hope, nor your self - esteem nor self - confidence...EVER  AGAIN!
NEVER shall you even ''just try'' to choose  the slick, fast lane to rock- bottom  by your even trying to hurt yourself or take  your own life- WHATSOEVER!
 Whatever your problem/s may be-  there are other   ways out....
everyone of us is human... everyone of us makes/ made these or other mistakes ...
 trying not to repeat the same mistakes may ease your way to go on with your life....which sounds to me a must....
stick to life, please... timely get the help  you need....
 change whatever in your life that  may have  to be changed....
and may life  come your way...
 may it smile  to you in return....
 may you find the power  to brightly overcome all your life's hardships....
 and the power  to  make all your dreams come true....
 the best, possible, dignified way....
 and the power to be happy....
may you stay forever- blessed and kept safe and proof from all harm...

Self-destruction?

2 Answers