My Wife does not have a job and yet insists she should have someone helping with the house chores, which is becoming really expensive for me?

tell her lazy a-- to get a job and hire someone.The person with Refuse-to-Work syndrome usually just passive-aggressively wears down the working spouse with the aforementioned excuses and ploys.Your wife’s wish to be taken care of and dependency on you will eventually breed resentment and anger in both of you. She’s angry and resentful about needing you and you’re angry and resentful because you’re shouldering the burden and she’s mad at you because of it. Crazy, isn’t it? This is called hostile dependency.

Why does this happen?

Because no matter how powerful her childish wish for security is, SHE IS AN ADULT, which creates an unconscious conflict within her.

If she wants to be seen as an equal, she needs to be an independent adult in every sense of the word. You can’t be truly independent when you’re taking care of yourself on someone else’s dime. Children get allowances for doing chores, so they can go to the mall; adults earn paychecks to support themselves.

How about this: agree that she can hire additional help, all the help she wants...as long as she goes to work to help pay for it. Fair is fair.

Thatmakes you a *****! Let her go support herself

In which case YOU should insist she gets a job.

I suggest you keep the person "helping with the chores" and get rid of the wife. One is contributing to your life, the other is detracting from your life.

You didn't ask a question, but i suspect you know the answer. You also live in that house - how is it you're not helping? Do you pick up after yourself, wash the dishes, fold the laundry, run the vacuum etc? If not, why not?

Is it possible she's busy raising the children, ferrying them hither and yon to tutors and activities and other appointments? Does she have health issues that limit her? Is it possible that no one person can reasonably keep up with your standards?

Then maybe you should consider helping her with the housework.

Tell her you are quite prepared to take on an assistant wife to help with all her wifely duties.

Okay. What is your question?