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I’m struggling to treat my boyfriend’s son as if he was my own?
So I knew getting with a guy with a child was going to be a bit more of a responsibility compared to dating a guy with no kids. I’m the type of person who hates kids. I feel like if I have my own kids someday i’d adore them BECAUSE THEY'RE MINE & everyone says you gain a lot more patience with your own kids. So my boyfriends son is 5 & don’t get me wrong I adore him! But I struggle with that whole “treating him as if he was my own” thing since i’m dating his dad. I’m just constantly feeling that disconnect & constant reminder that i’m not his mom. And I definitely try to act like somewhat of a parent role model because his son loves the heck out of me too. But it’s difficult for me because he’s not actually my child & I can’t raise him exactly how I’d like because he’s not my son. SO IT SUCKS. My boyfriend is constantly letting me know that I have all the right to discipline his son if needed if he isn’t able to catch things. I love that he gives me the “okay to do it” but i still struggle because i feel awkward yelling at someone else’s kid. I just don’t know how to stop feeling that way....anyone with experience dating someone with kids, does it ever get easier or what can I do to make this a bit easier for me? :(
5 Answers
- ?Lv 72 years agoFavourite answer
There has been a lot of research with animals and the "mother" is the one who cares for the child NOT the biological parent.
You can be the mother or not. But if you don't become the mother then you can also never be the other half of his dad.
If you want to be a part of the dad's life then, like it or not you MUST become the child's mother.
The problem is in your mind not in reality.
There is no reminder that you are not the child's mother except in what you think yourself.
The more responsibility you take on the more reward you get. And that is true for genuine biological parents too. Unless they take on board their responsibilities as parents they will never get the joys or the sense of achievement that good parents receive.
- ?Lv 52 years ago
Stop thinking of him as someone else kid. Fact is, you are his mother now. You are the mother influence in that child's life. If you plan to spend your life with this guy then that child is also your child. You may feel the kid isn't yours because you have misgivings about the relationship and are looking for an excuse as to why. But the more comfortable you are int he relationship the more comfortable you will be stepping into the shoes of motherhood.
- AthenaLv 72 years ago
You had better do the smart thing and drop this guy and find your own fella WITHOUT someone else's kid.
Remember, not only do you have to deal with the child BUT the mother as well.
Do you really want to haul around all that baggage?
- BlondeLv 72 years ago
Read parenting books. Differing opinions. Each kid is different. Kids count on adults, don’t fail him. All kids deserve a loving home, and you shouldn’t have to yell. Think of it this way..teachers deal with young kids, a whole room full. How do they do that? They learn how by reading about child psychology. I had bad parents, so when I had my own kids, I read parenting books to learn new ways because the ways I knew were wrong. It works! My kids are great! Not naughty. I don’t have to yell or fight with them. :)
- ♠ Merlin ♠Lv 72 years ago
Parenthood is difficult, even when it is your own child
however, with your own child, you start forming that bond as soon as you discover pregnancy, and it grows from there, you learn from each other and every day that grows
You have suddenly been dropped right into the role, naturally you are having issues.
It sounds like you (or even your boyfriend) is expecting too much, too soon.
You said about the constant reminder you are not his mother? Thats because you are not, you are his dads girlfriend
I assume he has a mother already?
You are looking to step into a role, that isnt yet formed, a mother figure in his life
He is only 5 years old, it will take time, a LOT of time, for you both to feel comfortable with each other. Its a learned process, that changes all the time.
Parenthood is seldom easy
