Will my old friend, Grumpy old man, like the words to a song he asked me to write?

Question

WILL YOU COME HOME

Time goes by so slowly now, so I phoned you for a reason.
I’ll make it clear as you will see, I’ve gone through all seasons.
With out you by my side, I have this burning question I just have to ask.
I can’t stand these tears no longer and the pain goes slowly past.

(Chorus) 
Darling I ask you, will you come home, my lover will you come home.
Darling I need you, to feel you so I’d love you to come home.

Since you left, my life has been so lonely, so empty since you left me on that day.
With hand on heart I can only say the only thing I miss is  you each and every day.
I need to feel your arms around me, your lips on mine, holding me so close.
Now I feel so helpless I don’t know what to do, I need you more and more.

(Chorus)

Remember the wonderful days when together we would laugh, cry and love.
How we would walk and talk for hours, then make love under the stars above.
Those were the happiest days one can remember of my entire but now loveless life.

Grumpy Old Man · Accepted Answer

Well it needs a bit of editing but I have the basis of the song in my head., so yah boo sucks to the nay sayers. I'm not really grumpy you know.

Sarah · Answer

To many words, didn't rhyme, you had two different chorus.  When you get old, time goes by fast not slow.

You can't phone someone who is dead.  What question did he ask and to whom?

You can't come back to life after you have died.

The redeeming part of the song is the last Chorus.  For he is remembering.  God gave us memories to remember our loved ones that have gone before us.

When we loose our mate, we do cry for two or three months, not for them but for us because we miss them.  But then the tears are no more and now we can remember the good times we shared.

I liked your tree poem better.  Put a little more effort into writing a song for the Grumpy old man.

Anonymous · Answer

Frankly, I don't think so.
It's bogged down with cliches, doesn't scan (lines vary between fourteen and twenty-one syllables - I'd be interested to hear the tune that copes with that!) and if it rhymes we're lucky.
I would respectfully suggest you stick to poetry pure and simple: I preferred your piece about the trees.

david k · Answer

if he was'nt grumpy before he will be after hearing that song

Will my old friend, Grumpy old man, like the words to a song he asked me to write?

4 Answers