My life seems meaningless without the support of professionals - how pathetic!?

You're not pathetic! I think it might be helpful for you to reflect on the fact that unconditional positive regard is an unrealistic, probably even impossible aim. Even professionals are not non-judgemental. They will be making professional judgements about you, and personal ones too. They're only human like you, remind yourself of that.

If your friends make cruel, derogitary remarks all the time then perhaps you should try to make new, more positive friendships? My family used to be a big part of my problems, but I now limit the amount of time I see them. They are now an asset to life rather than a problem. Don't let cr*p happen to you if it's in your power to change it.

I know you're about the same age as me as have borderline personality disorder too. I was very recently away on a respite break. Like you I have things to occupy my life, goals etc but still crave that care. In the respite guest house there were women in their 40s still chasing that care intensely-overdosing all the time to get in hospital, acting child-like etc. Seeing people who have that care at the cost of everything else that life can possibly offer-equal relationships, achievements, self worth etc makes you realise that the care isn't so great after all and puts it into perspective. Defining yourself as a mental health service user is no way to live a life.

I've found that certain mental health services/teams or individual workers can take away your independance without you realising what's happening straight away. As someone else has mentioned, your workers should be there to help you to live your life happily and effectively. They should not themselves become your life.

Why not speak to your keyworker about how you're feeling? If they know what you're feeling they can support you feel fulfilled in your life and work with you in a way that is helpful but empowering rathering than fuelling this dependancy.

Good luck.

I used to seek support and meaning from my relationship with my therapist. That was a big mistake. I was never satisfied because underneath, I knew I was paying them for their attention and support. The most true and meaningful support I ever got prior to my marriage was from a sponsor in Alanon. What I got from him WAS unconditional love; a therapist cannot provide that.

You need unconditional love from someone who has no financial motivation to support you. Without that, you will continue seeking because deep down you know the relationship is based on a lie; my Alanon sponsor could have walked away at any time, but chose to stay and support me. The therapist will always be there for the money.

Therapy is intended to be short-term, and should only be used to help you overcome a specific issue like grieving the loss of a loved one. To me it sounds like you are using the therapist as an emotional crutch.

I totally understand, i cant talk to family and friends either, exactly the same as you say, non understanding and just mean sometimes.

Proffessionals understand and you rely on them. Of course its gonna be hard.

we need the support and i dont think we should feel bad about it. tbh i dont think there is enough help and support anyway but we have to deal with the lack of suport somehow. Ask if there is a user led suport group near you. Keep gettin the support from proffessionals but dont rely on it.

Ive learnt to cope by telling myself i need to rely on myself and no one else. when you feel you need to talk to someone or your thinking negetively, replace the thoughts with positive ones. I literally talk to myself in my head. Take a long bath, congratulate yourself on your latest achievement, buy yourself something. Make yourself happy!!

I know that i can work myself up into a state and used to end up reaching for alcohol. We cant be perfect, we are in a way defected and we shouldnt beat ourself up about it.

Negetive moods will dissapate with time. i hope this makes sense as i feel im rambling a bit.

But yeah def know what ya mean, dont be so hard on yourself, its not your fault.

I would also recommend going to yoga classes or gettin a dvd. when im in a bad mood i put on some aromatherapy oils or do kundalini yoga.

You realize you need help right now and that is a good thing. When you begin to feel stronger and have more self confidence you will not be so dependent on your professionals. Just take one step at a time. While your not able to see your counselor, why don't you journal your feelings. They will helpyou to work them out independently.

It's not pathetic. You have nobody else to turn to who won't judge you and who will understand. It makes perfect sense that you feel lost without them. Humans are social creatures that need support from others during hard times. Don't call yourself pathetic.

It sounds like you need a counselor that will allow you to call them more often. Just ask them HOW often would be appropriate. Or call a hotline when you need to vent. They will not judge and are there 24/7 free of charge.

talk to your therapist about this. my therapist actually encourages me to feel dependant on her... that may sound bad to some people but maybe when a person is feeling stronger with the help of therapy, they naturally become more independant, know what i mean?

Your therapist/councellor should be guiding you on the road to independence, maybe you should mention your feelings about this to them.

God is always available. He will fill the void. All you have to do is ask.