Was my Counsellor wrong to say this?

While her advice/suggestion of going to pubs and such is a poor one, that isn't the issue.

From what you present, she avoided having a conversation with you about your feelings towards her and their importance. For that reason, I would be very disappointed in her.

I think it's worth raising this issue at the next session to revisit this. Feelings towards a counselor are very important and should not be minimized or deflected.

I agree with your first answer in that I think that as a counsellor, it's not really her place to be giving you any kind of advice regardless of the quality of advice. A counsellor's role is to listen, and to help you to reach your own conclusions. It's not really their position to be judgemental on or try to influence the conclusions you reach.

I don't see a counsellor but see a few professionals-support worker, CPN etc. I would be a bit annoyed if they suggested what your counsellor did to you. Im not a big fan of pubs, nightclubs and drinking. Not every young person is so I'd be a bit offended and see it as simplistic. I think it would have been slightly better for her to question weather you felt ready to look for a boyfriend, and if you said you do then the two of you could have explored ways there are to meet a partner. That would have been better than diving straight in with the pub suggestion!

In a way I can see where your counsellor was coming from. Lately I've been particularly struggling with my mental health and not feeling safe and secure by myself. I have thought that if I had a boyfriend it would be a "natural" relationship rather than looking to professionals all the time. I agree with you though, you can't look to a romantic relationship to fix serious emotional problems. Personally I want to wait until Im a bit happier on my own. All sorts of problems arise when you enter into a relationship with the intention of leaning on someone else for your full happiness, rather than someone to share your life with. Thats another reason why you're counsellor shouldnt have suggested what she did. You could have tried to follow her advice straight away and ended up with additional problems and issues that you don't have at the moment.

If you don't feel ready to date, then trying to find more fulfilling friendships may help you. I remember in your last question you said your friends put you down lots etc. Its not suprising that you don't feel you get the care and support you need from them in that case.

Take care of yourself.

woah haha,going to the pub is no way to find a boyfriend. Im not sure, I mean sometimes as we get older we kind of forget whats going on, I would imagine the pub has changed a bit since she last went, you know? The pub these days means you go out to find a one night stand, and to get wasted yadidada then go home, back in the day, I would imagine it was more about meeting new people and making new friends. I would say this was the point she was trying to make, that you need to kinda get out a little more, spend more time with your friends, or make more friends, you know?

I would imagine that this is also partly in response to you becoming a little bit dependent on her, remember its up to her to avoid a situation like this, perhaps that is just what came to her mind at the time. I dont suggest going to the pub and looking for boyfriends lol, but I do suggest making an effort to find new friends, or to spend more time with friends, opening up to somebody, and opening up to a diary as well :) Sorry im no help :)

first of all why exactly are you seeing a counselor?

Anyway she is wrong for telling you to go to pubs and bars etc because you could just end up with a drinking problem which would make things worse. A boyfriend won't fix your problems and the type that you meet in a bar doesn't want to be your boyfriend he wants you for one night only and will never call again, that would also make things worse. Im can't believe your paying for such crappy advice. Get another counselor.

I could have given better advice!!

What she is trying to say is, try to get on with your life because it sounds like your stuck in the same place in time, she just wants you to move on and the only way you can do that is by meeting other people. maybe dont get a boyfriend but just try and get some women friends, they'll help you move on.

i do think your counsellor should have tried to give better advice and explained it a bit more :) x

IM 13!!

she is right to a point, it is hard with mental health probs i am ex-service and struggled for last 8yrs with ptsd but i assure you it gets better try eating healthier stay off the booze, go to dance classes stuff like that get yourself out most important thing is if your friends dont support you bin them dont be with some one who will drag you down so grab a pizza and enjoy a good film.

Yeah , she was very wrong to say that !

thats no place to go look for a date !

seriously its like finding a girl at a strip club !

Anyone who would suggest I spend my evenings at a pub would offend me! That's no place to find a mate!!

She shouldn't be giving you advice, but prompting and empowering you to make some choices that make you feel more at home in your skin.

Fire that b*tch.