I think my marriage is over.?

Question

I have been married 25 years this year, we were so in love for 23 of them, best friends soul mates in fact.
I have always been the major earner in our family but it is never discussed and we share everything 50/50. Two years ago he was made redundant and our life changed almost overnight. He constantly on the computer, me downstairs.
We stopped being a couple and became two people living in the same space. I do all the housework, shopping, cooking, ironing, washing, driving etc. Plus I work full time.
He does only what I ask him to do, reluctantly. 
We do not make love, have any meaningful conversations anymore and I do not know where it all went wrong.
Because of my past I am in need of reassurance that I am loved but recently I have stopped saying it first to see if he initiates saying he loves me, he doesn't and it has been weeks since he has said he loves me. I feel dried out and unwanted. I cry every day, I do love him, but things are just not the same anymore and I do not know if I can carry on living a lie until I die.
Yet I am very afraid I will not survive on my own financially. We do own the house but living alone at my age (mid 50's) fills me with dread. Yes I have raised all this with him. I'm just not sure if I want to die feeling as I do almost everyday. 
Everyone loves him and thinks I am so lucky to have him, and maybe that is true, I just want to be loved, not just needed to clean house.

Geoffrey · Accepted Answer

I don't think your relationship is over at all....but it definitely sounds like your need to see a licence therapist...TBH when you say "redundant" I'm taking that he lost his job, then I'm willing to bet that event created an emotional roadblock for him and hosed up the communications between the two of you.

? · Answer

Your husband is in a deep depression - and so are you. You both need to see a doctor and you both need to start counseling ASAP. 

25 years is not something either of you want to throw away.  Seeking help is far easier then ending a long marriage. 

I note your the only breadwinner yet you are worried about finances on your own? This doesn't compute with me.

Srinivasan G · Answer

Losing a job and being dependent is a depressing thing in life. Give him his space and time to recover.  Everything should be all right once he gets back to his earning/job etc. and his self esteem is restored.  Be supportive in his time of trouble and keep the communication channels open.  Tell him that you are with him whenever needed.

Vivienne T · Answer

It sounds to me as though your husband is suffering from depression as a result of his redundancy. It can hit men very hard because they usually lack either the awareness of self and emotions or the coping strategies.
See if you can get him to see a doctor or a counsellor; don't give up just yet.
I hope it gets better; it would be very sad to lose all the good times now.

jasvinder s · Answer

just give him a space and a freedom for few days or  a month .may he will realized what is your value in his life ..

Anonymous · Answer

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I&#39;m Alan Partridge · Answer

You need to cut the internet line and smash in his computer. That would be a start.

farplaces · Answer

I suggest you email me for better communications and less illicit suggestions...

My email is open...

sayasyoulike · Answer

you cry everyday?

I think my marriage is over.?

9 Answers