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Avatouir asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

please can you rate my poem?

what do you think of this......

The shim-sham ram skin bust late beneath the Quaver

Harrowed like a flickered lounge of sapping fawn

And dusky wails of Frazzles tempted over glum

whilst monster munch dipped a crunchy toe

and tipped a foot shaped hat

To every pickled onion that danced upon his master's tongue

In glutton's bounty then they turned more rolled over

Lest Transformasnack should hunt them down

with creaking wheels of lesser chassis bent

as if not to slow but represent the disregard heaped

As heavy as as many Walkersrustlingg in Frampton's glove?

Perhaps

Yes by all accounts perhaps

So rest your head my child

Tangy Toms they come tonight

Update:

Also if someone could help me with a title, that'd be great thanks

Update 2:

Thanks Ros....."Tangy Toms" it is then

7 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    I'd say you should call it 'The Pickled onion of the Monster Munch's soul'

  • 4 years ago

    This poem is incredibly good for a newbie, there is defiantly some marvelous imagery in it, regardless of if it varieties of lacks direction, its slightly puzzling, it starts off with you happy you have chanced on somebody, yet they are no longer incredibly yours? and then they pass away, that's an excellent storyline, yet you will need for occasion a element in the poem while they pass away. It would not incredibly rhyme in places, which i do no longer blame you for, rhyming poems are very very perplexing, so perhaps you will desire to easily attempt non rhyming poems initially. in case you like the assumption of rhyming nonetheless, attempt basically making it lyrical while spoken, counting the syllables according to line is a robust thank you to try this. Poetry would be relaxing and extremely relaxing, i think of you will desire to proceed, you additionally could make some money! yet you will desire to purchase a e book on writing poetry to truly get the suited consequences, i prefer to propose "the ode much less travelled: unlocking the poet interior of" through Stephen Fry, he's astounding and and extremely marvelous.

  • 1 decade ago

    Hi. You wrote this poem from your heart I give you a 10 and for the Title "Tangy Toms" . T.C

  • 1 decade ago

    Give me a minute, Im going for my dictionary

  • 1 decade ago

    Pretty good I would rate it an 8 :D

  • 1 decade ago

    Sucks, I'm sorry it's possibly the worst I've herd.

  • ?
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    You are kidding, right? Please say this is a joke.

    If so, it's hilarious! I give it a 10!

    If not-- wow, too bad. It's nonsensical rubbish.

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