How to stay positive and excited after baby gender disapointment?

All children are different. I have 3 and they are all different temperaments.

My 1st son is quiet and gentle. My 2nd son is a thug! They are both lovely at times and both difficult at times.

I think we make the mistake of comparing them and we shouldnt.

Be positive,your new son may be the complete opposite of his older brother.

I know its hard when you have a difficult toddler but it will get easier as he gets older, you just have to get on with life and make the most of what you have.

You may find with a different frame of mind that the weight comes off easier too. Breastfeeding helps to lose the weight (if you can).

Hope all goes well.

Regards

<3

sh

Gender disappointment is more common then you think and many women suffer from it, and also I presume some men. We often have an idea in our mind what it would be like to have a girl or a boy especially after we have been exposed over long periods of time to one or the other.

There must be a hidden reason as to why you see families who have two or more children of the same sex have another one, they just want something different, something pink or blue to add to the brood and there is nothing wrong with that. Having at least one boy and one girl is the image of the "perfect" family.

I can understand that since you've had a difficult time with your son you feel scared and worried you will go through the same, but even though autism is more common in boys it can also happen in girls. The fact is every baby and child is different, same sex or not.

From my own life I can tell you my sister was no trouble at all, quiet, a good sleeper and would never get herself into trouble, the perfect child. Then I came, hard work and never gave my parents any let up. I was the type of child that would scream in public cuz I wanted a toy and smear jam on the walls just cuz it seemed like fun. I would fight to first blood and lie to get myself out of trouble.

I have calmed down now but both my parents said that if I had come first, they would never have had a second one and now I am expecting my first thoughts of how I was comes to me and I wonder if I have to deal with that, boy or girl.

Just look around you and you will see that same sex siblings are more different in personality then you first think. Your second may notice at a very young age that his brother takes up a lot of time and so be more calmer, babies adapt amazingly to the situation they are born into.

When you find yourself getting bugged down by it all, just remember you are having a brand new baby, someone who has never existed before and not anyone that has come before can be any indication how this baby will be.

And dont feel bad about being disappointed. I am sure there are many that will preach on about how lucky you are that you can have children when some people don't and all that but in fairness they cant understand how you feel any more then you can understand how they feel. I am hoping I will give birth to a girl, and some people look oddly at me that I can say I would prefer one over the other. But do they really understand that the reason I'd like a girl is because my parter has two boys from a previous relationship and I would like to give him something new and different? I dont know. I chose not to know the sex as I figured by the time I come to giving birth and seeing my baby, id just be so happy and relieved it was finally here I would be beyond caring if it was a boy or girl.

So you are not alone. I hope what you are feeling will pass in time and you get to enjoy your new baby boy and his own brand new personality. If it doesn't don't be scared to seek help. There are many in the same boat as you it's just a shame that so many feel embarrassed to talk about it.

U must have had some kinda idea as to what u were going to do when u got pregnant right?

My firstborn was a terror, he cried all the time, he was big as hell and he would fight me when I Breastfed him, which was hard on me. I decided I never ever wanted another baby so I got the ten yr iud, but nine months after getting the iud I found out I was three months pregnant. I was devastated!! No kidding, I hit the bed crying, I was in shock for days. I didn't tell my boss for months bc i just didn't know how.

Since I got pregnant at an unwanted time I pretty much was negative about the whole thing. Being pessimistic I pretty much decided I was going to have a boy bc the last baby turned out to be a boy when I originally wanted a girl, and I just didn't think I was going to get any good luck out of the deal. I was so mad I was going to have another crying boy that was going to ruin my job, again, and my sleep, and my future. My husband felt for me so he told me to make whatever decision I need to make for myself. I considered abortion, and I considered what was going to happen when they took out the iud. The drs told me the baby may come out along with the iud and I said ok let's do it. It turned out the baby stayed and she turned out to be a girl but by the time I found that out I was content with having another boy. It took a few months to find out the sex, and in those few months I gave up all hope i would have a daugter, I readied myself for another struggle, and I even found a boy name I liked. I told everyone we were having another boy even. By the time I found out she was a girl I was sure I was having a boy, but more than anything I prepared myself to have another needy, crying baby. It turned out she was the easiest baby I ever met. She breastfed the way its supposed to be done, and she never screamed and cried the way he did it all the time.

I guess the point I am trying to make is that its ok to feel sad. U need to feel sad as much as u need to so that when that baby comes u have done the grieving thing and u r ready to be a mom again. It's going to be a challenge, just expect that,but it will be fun too. Your second baby most likely won't be as needy as the first, from what I have seen there is one crybaby in every family, u and i just happened to have them first. That bad luck has set u up to be more prepared for a second baby. If this second baby is easier u will realize why people choose to have lots of kids, I did.

I don't mean to be rude, but if you dislike having a boy that much maybe you shouldn't be having any more babies? I say that because your wish for a girl opposed to a boy seems so strong. Whatever you do don't let your children know about this. It was made very clear to me growing up that both of my parents wanted me to be a little boy. There's nothing like your parents being disappointed in you over something that is so completely beyond your control.

You have to try to go in this with an open mind. I imagine it would be hard to do after difficulties...but really every child is different. Think about this too, perhaps the baby will be a calming influence on your 4 year old. He may well love being the big brother to your new baby. Congratulations!

it's just not remotely the case that all boys are harder to parent and all girls are easier. if the disappointment is really because you wanted a girl because she'd be less work, the premise was wrong.

your new child will have a new personality and may be easy or may be hard to raise, but that has nothing at all to do with gender.

consider mentioning your feelings of being overwhelmed by your son to someone you trust who can support you, and perhaps also to your ob.

Well there was no guarantee that a girl would have been any easier.

You can do it if you want, but you have to make that choice for yourself. Your older child needs boundaries and I guess when he is assessed, you should ask questions about how you can get him to listen and behave better.