Living with all men. Not easy. HElP?

Question

I have two sons. 19 years old and 16 years old. Also a partner. Before I go on about what they do not do, I just want to say, they are not totally useless, selfish people. However they seem to be blind or have a touch of "could nt be arsed" ! They do not seem to see that the toilet roll is empty and needs to be replaced ? or see it and could nt be arsed to change it, I run into the house, ready to burst, run to the loo... ahhhhhhhh only to see, no loo roll.. They also do not seem to notice the floor needs cleaning, the dogs need to be feed, the washing needs to be sorted, the shopping needs to be done!! i could go on and on and on.. but then that would be moaning, would nt it? Well its actually communicating, but when your saying it day after day, it sounds like moaning. I go from saying it, to not saying, to getting angry to giving up. Any tips on making them listen and not having to try to ignore it and live in a tip. I work outside the home, drive and I am very independent. Do not run after my sons 24/7 and have always encouraged them to take care of themselves, but something went very wrong somewhere along the way. Help.

bunnyONE · Accepted Answer

Ah my dear, you may well be surprised when they do move out and get on their own...as in very.  THAT'S when you will see JUST HOW they evolve as keepers of their own place, I assure you.  My beloved son was, ah, well, best not to say as a loving mother.  He moved out in his early 20's...First few years?  A real slob...But?  OVERNIGHT he was paying for all and even nice furniture and wow, better not put your feet on it, better not put a glass on it, etc., etc. ETC!  LOL!!!  Ah, my work "was done" at that juncture.  So it is, a bit too soon to tell and yes, men, MOST are less than domestic.  Then again?  It's my older brother who has ETERNALLY, cleaned house and done a far better job than my beloved sisterinlaw (LOL)  Go figure.  Wish I had trained MY beloved to be as good...ah me, he could run a vac though.  He could run the dishwasher.  -And make a dynamite breakfast.  Well, that's about it! (again, LOL).  Don't give up - don't give in - insist on cleanliness - DEMAND it and in time, you may well be, surprised, even though right now it seems fruitless.

I wish you luck...I think you're probably one fantastic woman...and I sure like your balanced point of view...Keep the faith.  Keep your patience.  Keep teaching and I suggest a massage every other week, really works for the bod and calms the nerves! (LOL, oh well, worked for me!)

Grace

R 99 · Answer

Yes, that would infuriate me too, but DON'T make the mistake of assuming it's because they are men.  I am a man and I don't live like a slob - quite the reverse, I am extremely tidy.  I am perfectly capable of cleaning, washing, cooking, and carrying out every other domestic task very easily , without any assistance from a woman.  I do most of my own house repairs too.  The myth of the 'incapable' man is just that, a myth.
On the other hand, I have shared houses with both sexes, lived with several women, and been married.  I can assure you, there are plenty of slobbish women out there.  In my experience, slightly more proportionally, than the number of men who are guilty of the same.

justinbig9 · Answer

Sounds like you're the perfect mom to need to go on strike! Gather them together and tell them in no uncertain terms, that this is the last time you expect to say this, and if there's any violation in "common sense rules of the house" that you will go on strike, and it's every man and woman for themselves! This includes cooking, cleaning, laundry, money, everything! They can't change the toilet roll?! Buy some only for you, and don't share it with them! Trust me, when they see and feel the sting of you not doing anything, they'll straighten up, or live like pigs! It's their choice!

Anonymous · Answer

This is easily fixed. if your partner knows he is a head of the household and a leader he will start taking charge of keeping the house clean.Right now he and your son's see you as the boss so they feel it is your duty.If they see your partner as a leader of the house and a head of the household the son's will also want to help. If all three see you in charge and the head of household they will see no reason to help. Nothing will change. Have your partner makes decisions and you follow them.Then they will all see it is their duty to help take care of the house without being asked. Then you will never have to complain about housework or washing or any household chore. I have given this advice hundred's of time it never fails to work. make your partner a head of the household and everything will change within a matter of a few weeks. If you are the boss of the household nothing will change.If they see you in charge then there is no need to help because you are taking care of it.

Best Of Luck!

Ade · Answer

Give them their own bathroom, their own dishes, and only walk the dog once a day. 

At the same time, I was the same way until I turned about 23 24. You may be up the creek. The time to train them is 7 not 16.

Poohcat1 · Answer

Guys seldom notice things like that unless it affects them directly. (Like if the toilet roll is empty when they need to wipe) From now on, post a to do list for each of the men in your household and also one for yourself (refrigerator is a good place). That way they will see what they each are expected to do and how much YOU do. Put the little jobs on YOUR list and let them do the more physical stuff for a change.

rainbow butterfly · Answer

There r certain things I will NOT compromise on.

Had I a husband, children, they would straighten up and fly right.

Lay down the lay as to how u want your home to run.

I assume they r living rent free.

That should also change. :)

Living with all men. Not easy. HElP?

7 Answers