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Chris asked in Social SciencePsychology · 4 months ago

How do you live a life as a caregiver when you are 24/7 with a non-verbal person, that person being your Mother who suffers PPA?

You All make me sick to death. I wish Nothing but the worse for you.

She was a Wiccan and so I understand 3 fold, I just want this to end.

For HER and myself, It's ******* HARD to watch her slowly fade away.

I can't try and remember her anymore.

How do I care for others, when I'm wiping her *** and changing her underwear?

This is more of a vent.

10 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    Look toward finding her an assistant caregiver. Don’t take on the task yourself. Sometimes it can be too daunting, I know from experience. Also in some states you might qualify as a caregiver and be qualified for payments from the state of up to $3000 a month or more.

  • 4 months ago

    I understand.  My mother was an Alzheimer's patient who went through all four stages and ended up in foetal position, totally unresponsive.  Watching her go from bright and happy to a near catatonic lump of flesh was no picnic.

    I don't know your financial condition or hers, but speaking from experience, you need to look into getting professional help if at all possible.  Odds are that you are not at all qualified for details of geriatric care.  Past a certain point, insistence on handling her care yourself becomes selfish.  You have to ask why you continue to do this when her needs might be more than you can handle.  Are you doing this for YOU?  Or for HER?  I came to the point of asking that question before I finally had to put her into a nursing home.  Toughest thing I ever did - drove her to the home, drove away alone.  But I had reached the point where my own sanity was slipping away.  You can lose yourself in such a situation.  I almost did.

    Go ahead and vent, but you might wish to seriously consider what I just told you.  What Mom had and what your mother has are two different diseases, but I know the pain of that level of caregiving for a loved one.

  • 4 months ago

    Look into finding a Personal Care Aide. The fee depends on the state, and if she has insurance, they may be willing to help pay for it. It can be much easier on the person than moving into a nursing home, and you may be able to hire them for only part of the day.

    Otherwise, treat yourself well and possibly find a therapist who can help you cope.

    Good luck!

  • 4 months ago

    My sister and I were caregivers for both of our parents for years while they slowly became more incapacitated.  The old joke was they went from, "when are you moving out?" to "please don't leave us!"  We took on more and more responsibility while asthma, hearing loss, leukemia, kidney cancer, diabetes and everything that went with it like blindness, amputation and strokes chipped away at their health.  At least we had each other to trade off the chores of maintaining the household and personal medical care for them.  Older siblings weren't much help, having to beg or bribe them to take a few turns so we could have some time away, which wasn't much more than an evening out and back on the job the next day.  Even the short time mom was in nursing homes was hard because she got horrible care in the first one and slightly better in the last.

    There are options like home health nursing agencies where you can hire out by the hour or day or night shifts to watch your mom to give you a well needed break.  Some nursing homes have temporary care but that might be difficult until Covid is over.

  • Louie
    Lv 5
    4 months ago

    Hang in there, nothing lasts forever. Been there done that.  My wife & I took care of my grandma for years after she had a stroke.  She couldn't walk or talk, only see & make groans when uncomfortable. She raised me so she was like my own mother who died when I was a baby.  I feel you believe me. It is NOT easy. Be patient, look @ it this way, what if SHE was taking care of you? I'm pretty sure she would manage somehow because you are her child & loved. We had other family members take care of different chores to give us a break now & then. The health dept. checked on her once a month for pressure & other things. I know it's hard but PLEASE  don't let your emotions overcome your care for her. She is your mom after all. Taking some time for yourself occasionally is important to preserve your sanity. Don't forget she used to wipe your butt & change your underwear too @ one time. All you can do is make her comfortable & be there for her the best way you can. You also need rest which will help you to make reasonable decisions. Maybe if she is old enough for Medicare, they can help you make decisions about what is best for her. Please be safe & kind. mo. Rkl

  • ?
    Lv 5
    4 months ago

    Hello concerned troubled one being a caregiver is definitely hard work and a challenge I helped take care of my mom who has medical issues in between my siblings and other family members and I prayed for strength beyond what was normal to endure that difficult situation and courage to keep going because it was and still is hard to see your love one in that kind of state helplessness  and dependent on someone to care for them lovingly and patiently. I just reminded myself if it wasn’t for my mom I wouldn’t be here and she took care of me and our family so I’m doing what I’m suppose to do in honoring her. That made it a little easier but I understand what you’re saying. Pray for a calm heart and peace of mind. Pray for comfort hope endurance and more help if applicable don’t give up. 

  • 4 months ago

    That is a sad story.

    You can find a caregiver or someone else.

  • that sounds messed up.

  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    I don't like my mother at all... She's told everyone she doesn't want me near her if she can't walk... I'll make it all worth her saying thing's like that to start with...

    I think you should put your mother in a rest home no matter how much she hates it... 

  • OTTO
    Lv 6
    4 months ago

    Sounds like you are not the one who should be caring for her. Explore alternatives. 

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