Should I resent my old teacher for this?

Question

Around people i like, I can take a joke and am not sensitive and can laugh things off no problem

When I was in school, I got badly bullied and had no friends for a while and was in a very dark place. I lost an absurd amount of weight at time. When things got better for me, I put weight back on but am not fat.

I saw my old teacher last week and she said I put on weight. I used to get on well with her, but her remarking this really upset me because it reminded me of what I went through so since then I hope I don't see her again.

Was she wrong to make that remark? I usually wouldn't care at weight comments years ago but that really upset me, am I justified. Not sure if she knew about the bullying.

dewcoons · Answer

It would be great of your teacher was a mind reader and realized that mentioning your weight would have bad connotations for you.  Unfortunately she did not.  If she knew you during the time when you had lost "an absurd amount of weight" - which I would take to mean you were way underweight - her comment may have been an attempt compliment you. To say that you were looking healthy and more sure of yourself than you had when you were a skinny frightened child.

If you always got on well with her in the past, why assume that she meant to hurt you now?  I would give her the benefit of a doubt.

We have all said innocent things that have hurt other people.  Just as you would hope that they would overlook your mistakes, so you should overlook theirs.  Let it go.

Anonymous · Answer

I think you're being oversensitive. You put on weight.  That's reality.  Is she not allowed to comment on reality? Your reaction to her comment is your problem, not hers. You can feel however you want to feel about it, but your reactions aren't her fault. If you hang onto resentment you're only hurting yourself more. See your therapist.

Should I resent my old teacher for this?

2 Answers