Jake

When I was younger I was bullied a lot and it had a big effect on me. I had depression and anxiety and was on brink of developing an eating disorder.

For years I was ashamed to admit it because I felt weak and didn't feel like I had a right to complain because other people suffer in world more than me. Thankfully I no longer get bullied and bounced back from an all time low.

It was so hard to accept it happened and to admit it until 4 years ago. I first told some trustworthy friends, then my counsellor and now I feel no shame in admitting what I went through and if anything embrace fact it happened because of how far I have come since.

I don't talk about it all the time only sometimes if it came up btw. It can be hurtful to repeat exact examples of bullying behavior tho. Sometimes I don't even realize I talk about it and get into detail about it and only after I'm finished I realize "woah I went into detail there"

I'm just wondering why this change in attitude towards it happened without me realizing it?

When I was in high school I was bullied to an extreme extent. I suffered depression and was avoiding going into school and going in late out of fear and my confidence/self esteem was destroyed.

I didn't report them as it wouldve made things worse. My school for speokr to students like trash and lacking empathy towards them (I was told this by THREE former staff too). I had so much going on that school work was the last thing on my mind, so I failed miserably but didnt care one bit- very out of character for me as I was a very high performing student.

My teachers never asked me what was wrong, they criticised me for a poor attitude and poor results when the reality is I was experiencing an all time low.

One teacher had the decency to ask if I was bullied and I denied. Months later, she told me she knows I lied to her when I denied it, and reassured me that she's a professional and wants to help and she will keep everything private and asked me to give her names and outlined the benefits why. After 8 months of misery and bottled in emotion, I told her the truth and she kept her promise and was very helpful and thoughtful. I have huge respect towards her.

I am no longer bullied anymore. In hindsight, my friends think it's disgraceful only one teacher showed a non judgemental attitude towards me and wanted to help.

Do you think the lack of communication between students and teachers is a big cause towards mental health and bullying? 

My son is getting badly bullied in school (he's age 17).

He's a good kid and never gets in trouble and doesn't have a lot of friends. He hasn't been himself at all recently and I think he could be suffering from depression. 

He told me about bullying for the first time yesterday. He had enough of it because he deliberately goes to class late because he's terrified of being in a classroom alone without a teacher there.

He was late for english today so the teacher wouldn't let him into the class (hes late to every class but poor dude isn't trying to get attention or misbehave) and he sat outside the class room.

He doesn't like his history teacher at all. She passed by in corridor (nothing to do with her) and stuck a finger in his face and said he should be absolutely ashamed of himself for getting sent out of a classroom. 

I was outraged and am considering reporting her to the principal and if I see her confront her about it. Do you think I should and how should I help my son if no teachers have the decency to ask him what's wrong, all they do is criticise him for being "lazy"?

I know a girl called Claire. I replied to her instagram story with a flirty message but got no response.

An hour later her friend added me even though I never met her friend before and her friend is super hot.

Obviously claire told her friend, but why would her friend follow me?

Please name at least 5 minimum 

I was bullied by my old group of friends, who I eventually fell out with 5 years ago.

I never see them around and they haven't grown up at all. I have many new friends now.

I saw one of them called Dustin in pub, he tried to call me over but I knew he'd try insult me so I said politely I'm in a rush but to have a good night. As soon as my back was turned he threw a coaster at me.

I got angry and threw it back at him and he got aggressive because I was alone and he was with 6 of his friends, so I felt it best to walk away. 

I met my friend sam outside the pub and told him what happened. We went to the bathroom together 5 minutes later and saw sam in there alone. He said absolutely nothing and avoided looking at me, because he was the one outnumbered and not me (Sam is a good friend who would back me up)

I was tempted to confront him, bit felt he wasn't worth the effort. Sam and my other friend Paul said I should have given him taste of his own medicine by confronting him while I was the one outnumbering him, which they said would put the bad memories to bed once and for all (which had big effect on my confidence for years)

My girlfriend on the other hand was very proud of me when I told her, and said that incident proved I'm better than Dustin and was the bigger man.

Who do you agree with and why?

I know a girl for years. I thought she was single. She put up half naked photos online and changed her Facebook status to single 

I replied to her social media posts a few times and she replied and we had conversation.

She was on and off with a drug addict and he found out and texted me off her phone trying to set me up, but I didn't see the messages until next day and the girl apologised 

I saw her a month later and she apologised and said on day he thought she was having affair with me because he's hard on drugs but she said we were only friends (she friendzoned me being honest). I changed subject and didn't feel it was worth talking about.

They didn't break up and seemed to have move past it as they stayed together for months after.

It's been almost 2 years. Will that dude bother confronting me if I see him? My friend thinks it sounds like he jumped to conclusions on that day but then saw sense and forgot about it and probably would have attacked me at time, but now probably wouldn't bother seeing as so much time has passed and he very likely knows she didn't cheat on him with me at this stage.

I feel pretty anxious about running into him.

Could I be in danger or is my friend right.

When people travel, do most do it for years, a few months or couple of times a year?

I find forgiveness is a skill. What are tips to forgive: 

1) yourself after a huge mistake

2) how to forgive other people

3) should you forgive people who don't deserve it

When I was younger, I was low in confidence with women. I didn't take rejection well and tried too hard. I've never harassed a girl, but have tried too hard with texting if it wasn't working out. If they don't reply, now I give them one more chance and if they don't reply I assume its not working out and move on. In the past, I would try several times and look so needy and girls would think I'm stalking when it wasn't my intention. I just was overthinking, got too attached and tried way too hard

In past 3 years, I've learned the difference between persistence and neediness. As stated, I don't make these mistakes anymore and any girl over last few years I've dated can say I ever looked desperate or like a stalker.

I feel anxious word would get around what I used to be like and then rumours get made up of me, and one or two In particular I feel that I tried too hard and looked so desperate. I feel guilty and what if they thought I was stalking them. 

How do I forgive myself? I've definitely learned from my mistakes, and my friend made good point that if I was that bad the cops would have been called or they'd have threatened me, which they never did. So am I too hard on myself?

My friend paul can be quite mean sometimes and we tend to clash quite a lot because I stand up to him when he's in bad modd taking anger out on me and others.

He started hanging out with a naive guy from around the block named John. 

John doesn't have any other friends and lacks street smart and gets bullied by Paul and some of paul's friends.

When john calls into Pauls house, paul doesn't answer the door and makes john climb through the window.

Last week I got annoyed and got up and told John not to climb through the window and that id get the door for him. Paul wasn't happy and when paul was mocking john an hour later, I confronted Paul and we had an argument and Paul threw me out of his house.

Paul apologised the next day but I've been ignoring him and considering ending the friendship, with bug reason of how he's treated john, an innocent victim.

Should I end friendship and what do you think of people like paul picking on someone like john?

My friend has been called "vain" by a lot of people.

Hes very interested in his appearance and image (which people have criticised him of being obsessed) , eg tanning beds, tattoos, hair and beard transplant, cheek bone surgery, very expensive clothes and lots of topless selfies online, all of which he constantly shows off online 

Why would this trait be considered a bad thing

I'm in such an awkward situation and didn't know what to say to my friend earlier today. 

Basically, he's been seeing someone for past 5 months and is falling hard especially lately, then earlier in the week she told him she's transgender and used to be a man.

My friend was shocked and didn't know if he should keep it up or dump her. I didn't know what to say without without upsetting him or being transphobic or anything. I also have never had such an episode so can't relate to how he must feel.

Before she told him, he was crazy about her and now is extremely stressed.

What do you think I should advise him? I got uncomfortable on phone and promised I'd call him back but am dreading it.

My friend is obsessed with women and it's all he ever wants to talk about. I have never been great with girls and lockdown is making my love life non existent at present.

I'm pretty down in dumps lately with lockdown and I have no chance to go out to girls. With so much being on my mind, my friend reminding me all the time about my lack of sex really doesn't help, if anything it makes me more stressed as it adds to the other worries in my head.

I got frustrated and said this to him and he criticised me for being ungrateful and we haven't spoke since.

I appreciate fact he's trying to help, but he's going about it the wrong way and sometimes I avoid meeting him because I know he's going to Yap on about it (which I also explained to him)

He said majority of what I need to know is:

"If a woman has 100 instagram followers and 98 of them like her photos, the 2 who don't are the 2 most likely to catch her attention"

Around people i like, I can take a joke and am not sensitive and can laugh things off no problem

When I was in school, I got badly bullied and had no friends for a while and was in a very dark place. I lost an absurd amount of weight at time. When things got better for me, I put weight back on but am not fat.

I saw my old teacher last week and she said I put on weight. I used to get on well with her, but her remarking this really upset me because it reminded me of what I went through so since then I hope I don't see her again.

Was she wrong to make that remark? I usually wouldn't care at weight comments years ago but that really upset me, am I justified. Not sure if she knew about the bullying.

I was badly bullied a long time ago. What are these symptoms of:

1) going bed very late and waking up before my alarm

2) dreading going to school and intentionally going late to every class so that a teacher would be there

3) not caring about things I usually love

4) emotionally numb all the time

5) big weight loss, people said I looked way too thin and it didn't look or seem right

6) afraid to enjoy things because I'd always think "this good will only be temporary, things will go back being bad pretty soon so best off not enjoying it so that the disappointment of being back to reality won't be as painful"

7) walking for hours alone, feeling lost and confused but not knowing what it was

8) I ALWAYS had to have gym schedule, not to enjoy it but was obsessed with not putting weight back on and "undoing my hard work" even though I barely ate at the time.

It was a pretty weird and scary time internally wise, can someone please let me understand better what it was?