"Baby can sleep over" problem has arisen!?

Question

I knew there was going to come a time when this was going to be raised and I've dreaded it !

My daughter is 20 months. We live a 4 minute drive away from my in laws so see then all the time. They're fantastic with our daughter and the other grand kids, a real help whenever we've needed anything

I work crazy shifts and my husband does his best to work around them which normally isn't a problem but next weekend there's a clash at 8am. I'll be starting work at 07:30 and can't change that and unfortunately that's the only time my husband can fit this client in that week

It would mean he'd have to get up early and take our daughter straight round to his parents for breakfast so they can look after her while he sees the client. Not a massive deal I thought.... But they've suggested "why not let her sleep over?"

This is the problem. His mother smokes and we've had several big falling sour over the last 2 years about it. She promised before baby arrived that she wouldn't smoke when the baby was there and she's gone back on that on several occasions which has led to some arguments and for a while us not taking the baby to their house. It hurt but our daughter comes first (especially as she's had some major breathing problems and been resuscitated 3 times!)

Well them other in law said she'd quit smoking after the last big falling out and give her her dues she's cut from 30 to 10 a day but seems to have given up 'giving up'

I simply don't trust her not to smoke in the house in the evening while my daughter is upstairs in bed. So now I've been asked "why doesn't she just stay over?" And I've just said I'm not comfortable with her being out the house yet, which I'm not, even if it was my parents offering I wouldn't be 100% as I'd be worried about her but with this smoking issue I'm not happy at all

I've said it's no problem my husband just dropping her off in the morning as their so close but his mum is getting all excited to have her stay over. I think I'm gonna have to raise the smoking issue again....

What should I say? Not comfortable her staying over yet or smoking?

Bec · Accepted Answer

I'd be honest. Say that your daughter and her health has to come first and therefore you are not happy for her to stay over because of the smoking. Even if they didn't smoke in the house they would be unlikely to change clothes and smoke well away from the house to limit the amount of second hand smoke your daughter would inhale

Anthony · Answer

I would say to drop the smoking issue for now, I understand how hard that seems. But it's worth avoiding the arguments that might arise, just tell them that you are uncomfortable with your child not being in the same house as you at night even though you know she's safe your scared,

Sal*UK · Answer

Hmmm I can't understand how someone who's grandchild has that sort of problem continues to smoke around them.

I smoke - my grandchildren visit - I smoke outside. Simple. My littlest one was in hospital before Chirstmas with broncitltus and pnemonia (excuse spelling!) and I was totally terrifed we were going to lose him. I haven't smoked within a mile of him since.

munkety tunkety · Answer

Just let her look after her granddaughter.
One night is not going to cause any problems. C'mon...you are an adult and a mother. Discuss it with her. Be honest and ask her to please smoke outside just for the night.  I am sure, if you don't get all preachy about it but share your concern, she will do as you ask.

Ellen · Answer

It seems to me that you've already told her what the problem is and she prefers to ignore your concerns.  You have every right to tell her again and keep your child home for the night, even if she's excited to have the baby stay overnight.  Sometimes we can't have what we want, especially if it's due to her own bad behavior.

"Baby can sleep over" problem has arisen!?

5 Answers