NORMA

Little Johnnies exam paper ? and his answers

Q-- How can you delay milk going of A--- keep it in the cow

Q-- How important are elections A--very important sex can only happen when the man gets an election

Q--Name the four seasons A--- Salt pepper mustard and vinegar

Q--Use the word diploma in a sentence A-- Our pipes were leaking so dad called diploma

Q--Use the word information A ---Geese fly information

Q- What are steroids A --Things that keep carpets still on the stairs

Q -What does the word benign mean A--- Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q --What is a Hindu A It lays eggs

Q-- What is a seizure A --A Roman emperor

Q--What is a terminal sickness -A ---When you are sick at the airport

Q--What is artificial insemination A --When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q --What is a fibula --A -- A small lie

Q-Which English king invented the fire place A --Alfred the grate

Q --Where was the Magna Carter signed A --At the bottom

Q- Who succeeded the first president of the U.S.A --A--The second one

Q--Who invented fractions A --Henry the 1/8

Q -Who was the black prince A ----The son of old king Cole

Q Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon --A --Because he was dead

And last but not least

Q When did Julius Caesar die --A --A few days before his funeral

And his teacher at Corktown U Norma retired for good

In jokes and riddle section have you noticed the amount of non-jokes or non riddles but a lot of question on going back to school /personal problems questions that do not conform to that section but appear to be allowed When it is a genuine joke/riddle there is a serious problem with violation notices How does this work ?

Four men were playing poker in the back room of the bar until one of the four Craig lost $1,200 on a single hand The shock was so great that Craig suffered a heart attack and dropped dead at the table

The others nominated Dave to break the bad news to his widow but warned him to be discreet and not add to the woman's pain

Arriving at Craig's house Dave knocked on the door Craig's wife answered and asked him what he wanted

" Your husband has just lost $1,200 playing cards " said Dave

" What " exclaimed the wife "In that case I hope he drops dead "

"Okay " said Dave " I'll tell him "

A man sitting at the bar drowning his sorrows

" What's up ?" said the barman

"Three months ago my father died and left me $60,000" said the man " Two months ago my mother died and left me $40,000 Then last month an uncle died and left me $20,000 But this month Nothing "

Every year Chip entered the lottery at the state fair but because he had never won anything he decided to give up

" Don't do that " said his friend Danny " You never know this could be your lucky year You need to have faith Look around you and see if God sends you a message "

So Chip toured the fair looking for a sign but none was forthcoming until he noticed a large woman bending over next to the cake stand As she did so a huge gust of wind blew her dress over her head and a finger wrote the number seven on each of her buttocks

Interpreting this as a divine inspiration Chip ran to the lottery booth and played the number 77 A few minutes later the winner was announced over the Tannoy It was 707

A man called on the vicars wife a woman well known for her charitable deeds

" Madam " he said close to tears " I feel I must draw your attention to the awful plight of an impoverished family in the district The father is dead the mother is to ill to work and her nine children are starving They are about to be turned out of their house into the cold empty streets unless someone pays their rent which amounts to six hundred pounds "

" How terrible " exclaimed the vicars wife " May I ask who are you ? "

The sympathetic visitor dabbed his handkerchieff to his eyes " I'm the land lord "

Little Johnnie rushed home excitedly from school to tell his parents " I've got a part in the school play

I play a married man "

Well done son " said his father " Keep up the good work and one day you may get a speaking part "

As they drove home from the party Chip's wife turned to him and asked " Have I ever told you how sexy and irresistible to women you are ? "

" I don't think you have " Chip answered with a smirk

" Then what the hell gave you that idea at the party ? "

While Ana lay on her deathbed her husband Chip maintained a constant vigil by her side

As he held her fragile hand his warm tears ran down his face splashed on to hers and roused her from her slumber

She looked up and her pale lips began to move slightly "My darling Chip " she whispered

"Ssshh" he said tenderly "Don't wear yourself out by talking Go back to sleep "

But she was insistent "Chip " she gasped " I must talk There is something I must confess to you "

" There's nothing to confess " replied Chip between sobs " It's all right Everything is all right now Go to sleep "

" No my darling " she persisted " I need to die in peace I have to confess my sins It pains me to say it but I had affairs with your best friend your brother and your father "

Chip mustered a pained smile and gently stroked her hand " Hush my darling " he said " Don't worry

about it I know all about the affairs Why do you think I poisoned you "

During a heated argument Chip said to his wife "Admit it the only reason you married me was because my aunt left me $2.000.000 "

" Don't be ridiculous " his wife replied " I didn't care who left you it "

Convinced that his wife was having an affair a husband decided to confront her

"Is it my friend Danny ? " he demanded

" No "

"Is it my friend Craig ? "

" No " she screamed " What's with you --don't you think I have any friends of my own ? "

Just glanced at my blocked list and I noticed one of them has changed there name again This was the fourth change This troll has a B.A rate of 84% and a large 1239 points for this week alone Why does Y/Hoo allow members to have multi Accounts and amass so much points in voting for themselves Can anyone explain please

On a sudden whim a man decided to take the family out for a meal The bill came to more than he had expected so at the end of the meal he asked the waiter " Could we have a bag to take the leftovers home for dog ? "

Hearing this little Johnnie said excitedly " Hey dad are we getting a dog ?"

Two male students were moaning about how expensive it was living on takeaway meals

"I do own a cookery book " said one " but I've never been able to use it "

" Why not ? "asked the other " Are the recipes to difficult ? "

" I don't think so but each one starts the same way ; take a clean dish "

Dave and Chris ordered fish in the restaurant The waiter brought a dish containing two fish one noticeably larger than the other

" Please help yourself " said Dave

" Okay " said Chris taking the larger fish

After a brief but tense silence Dave said " You see if you had offered me the first choice I would have taken the smaller fish "

Chris replied " What are you complaining about ? You have it don't you "

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were discussing the infidelity of there wives

The Englishman said " I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician because last night I found a toolbox under her bed "

The Scotsman said " I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber because last night I found a plunger under her bed "

The Irishman said" And I think my wife is having an affair with a horse because last night I found a jockey under her bed "

An Irish decorator was painting a house and the owner arrived to find him rushing around like a mad thing with his brushes

" Why are you working so fast ? " asked the owner

" Well you see sir " said the Irish decorator " the paint is running low and I want to finish before ite all gone "

A man arrives home from a business trip abroad to find the dining table set for two with candles flickering romantically and a bottle of champagne on ice

He walks into the kitchen to find his cooking a slap up meal Best of all she was wearing nothing but an apron

This is a surprise " the man gasps

" Damn right it is " his wife shrieks spinning around " I wasn't expecting you back until tomorrow night "

Feeling amorous a husband cuddles up to his wife on the sofa while she watches telly " I want you to whisper dirty things to me " he said huskily

The wife turns the volume up on the TV and murmurs " Dishes darling "

Chip and Dan are standing at the bar in a nightclub One was hunky while the other is far less appealing

A woman spots the men and struts her stuff over to them

" Do you wanna dance? " she asked Chip

" Sure " Chip replied grinning at Dan

"Good " the woman tells him " Then you go and bust some moves on the dance floor And I'll stay here and chat to your fit mate "